A lot of comedians do routines about how a husband does not hear what his wife is saying and how that drives her nuts. There are some husbands who I'm sure would wish that they didn't have to hear their wives talk.
When you live with a concussion though that can become a reality although you don't intend it to be.
For example there are plenty of times when my wife will call my attention by saying "I want to tell you something."
I will stop whatever I'm doing, and with all great intentions will be absolutely focused on her and will wait to hear what she has to say. I'm expecting her to say something...so I wait...and wait...but she never says anything. I will then ask her to start talking or ask what she said. This used to drive her nuts just after my concussion. Then she noticed how in these situations while she was talking my facial expression would change. I would look confused. She figured out that I was being serious when I asked what she said and not being a jerk.
The best way I can describe this scenario is to compare it to having a completely full glass of water, filled all the way so it is even with the rim. Then someone pours more water into the glass. The new water never gets to the inside of the glass. It rolls down the sides or splashes out. If you're a Star Trek fan there are lots of episodes where the crew is talking and then the ship hits a rupture in the space time continuum and everyone freezes in time only for them to figure out later in the episode what they missed.
It
is a very strange feeling and very disconcerting, because I don't have
a sense of what happened during those few seconds. In the example above I
never hear what my wife is saying. I don't even remember her
mouth moving. I'm just there waiting for her to start talking. What she
said is completely not registered in my brain, or if it is registered, it
is so quickly forgotten that I don't even remember; kind of like the water leaving the glass. So far I've noticed it in conversations and sometimes watching films or TV shows. I know something
happened but don't know what.
My wife knows when this happens to me because my face suddenly changes, and she can see on my face that I am completely clueless and lost and confused as to whatever it was she was talking about. This is frustrating for her and I. It would be nice to return to "normal," but I am not normal, unlike the husbands in those comedy routines.
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy
This is another post in a series of posts about the affects of a concussion. I'm writing these so if you know a coworker who has suffered a concussion you might understand a little more about how you can help them.
I've written other posts about the physical and mental effects of having a concussion and the disruption it can cause in the daily life of the affected person.
The
same can be said sometimes about memories.
I have (or had I'm not sure now) a great memory.
I can remember complete conversations, memorize dialog from TV or movies, and other situations in complete detail and repeat them back word for word. This skill has been a big help min my sales, recruitment, and entertainment careers. My photographic memory I've always had complete confidence in. Mr. Spock would be proud. At least that is what I would've said with absolute confidence a year ago. After my concussion I can't say that anymore.
I have trouble remembering lots of things these days. Pen and paper for making to-do lists or notes to myself are constant companions, provided I can remember I wrote them and where I put them!
When I say I'm forgetting memories, I'm not talking about random memories you haven't thought about for thirty years. Nor am I talking about what we normally think of as memory loss due to age. I'm talking about recent memories that are only days, weeks, or months old. As an example; I took my son to the local taco restaurant that was recently remodeled. We went through the drive up and I said that someone had shot a hole in the new menu sign. My son told me that we knew that from being there two weeks ago, and said I even said the same words.
I asked him in disbelief and he recounted the whole visit and our conversation.
This may not seem like a big deal to most of you, however when it happens on several occasions you notice a pattern.
I'll give you another example;
I happen to be a person that takes a lot of photos and has photo books everywhere. I used to be able to tell you the exact circumstances, conversations, reasons, even some of the technical data for all of the photos. Now I look at some of these photos, and the people in them, and I don't know either who they are or in some cases I remember their name but don't remember anything else. I will look at these books and think I know the event and suddenly doubt creeps into my mind. Do
I really remember this because it happened or am I only remembering it
because I saw pictures of it happening.
I'll be told who the people are that I don't remember and I still don't remember more about them.
I've always been a person that can remember
the dates and times and places and what was playing on the radio and
things like that, however it is frustrating for me because there are certain things that since I've had my
injury I do not remember.There are certain events that I remember absolutely
crystal clear, and there are some events that I can remember the major
details because I have seen them in the pictures but I have no clue as
to the minor details. If you asked me to list ten events I don't remember I couldn't give that to you because I don't know I've forgotten them until someone tells me about them or I see a photo or something else that reminds me of them.
This is when I wonder what I wouldn't remember if it wasn't for me having the photo books.
My son is able to recognize this frustration and confusion and he'll just look at me and ask
"Dad are you having a bad
head day?"
I can't wait until the day when i can change my answer from "Yes" to "No. It is just old age."
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy
