Monday, June 30, 2014

June 2014 Jokes


Longtime client and contributor MT comes through again with a great set of puns.
Thanks MT!

Enough of my being Sirius. 

1.     I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

2.     When chemists die, they barium.

3.     Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

4.     I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

5.     How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

6.     I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

7.     This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

8.     I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

9.     I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Thanks for laughing!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Six More Signs Your Boss Is a Coward

Photo: erwin cartoon/Shutterstock.com

Thanks Rob for some great insight.
Sounds like some of my old bosses.
For those of you who are my old bosses and read my blog, I won't say if these apply to you!
Ev


Six More Signs Your Boss Is a Coward
by
Rob Wyse
Communications Advisor/Strategist/Writer for Global Executives, Managing Director, New York at Capital Content

Readers weighed in on my recent post, “Six Signs Your Boss is a Coward,” with more signs that your boss is a coward. Here is a sampling of firsthand experiences with bosses.

Remember, these are from you, not me.

1. He lies

Everybody lies at times to spare feelings or embellish a story.

But as readers pointed out, a cowardly boss lies over and over for personal gain or to discredit others. And innocent workers like you may be hurt by his lies.

Working for a boss who lies is nerve-wracking. You never know whether one of his lies is going to come back and bite you or inadvertently help you. A boss who lies is breaching a sacred employer-employee trust.

If you work for a boss who lies for personal gain, don’t lie to yourself. It’s time for you to find a new boss.

2. She is envious of subordinates, peers, and higher ups

One reader noted that an envious boss thwarts productivity by breeding fear and uncertainty that de-motivates a team. She only feels good when she can tear down the people she is envious of.

She might do this by turning people’s talents, knowledge, and hard work against them. If you’re the target, your best qualities go from “the keys to your success” to “areas for improvement.”

This type of cowardly boss is simply afraid she will be upstaged by excellence around her. As a result, you are punished for a job well done.

3. He delivers empty promises again and again

Everyone loves hearing praise for a “job well done” and the promise of a raise, promotion, or challenging new assignment. But when months go by and the promised reward doesn't materialize, the boss’s promises are immaterial.

Several readers noted that a boss who makes promises he can’t keep is often motivated by the desire to be liked. Making promises is easier than giving you positive feedback, while at the same time being realistic about what the organization will or will not do for you.

Of course, what you really need from your boss is a reality check. You may not like the answer, but you’ll respect your boss for being straight with you.

Empty promises empty the soul of an entire workforce.

4. She blames others to mask her own shortcomings

One reader said this is a terrible type of boss to have.

This kind of boss is so afraid of looking bad that she can’t admit she does not know it all. Worse, she views asking for help as a weakness.

So, instead of turning to team members who are better equipped to handle certain tasks, she blunders on. Then when things don’t go well, she blames her team – loudly, to anyone within earshot.

5. He fails to manage conflict and bad behavior within the organization

This coward boss is afraid to set rules of engagement and reinforce and enforce them. The result is chaos – a workplace that is a “free for all.”

The truth is all teams need rules and a referee to step in from time to time, cry foul, and get the game back on track. As one reader said, “Imagine The World Cup with no referees.”

6. She doesn't protect her team from impossible requests from upper-management

As one reader remarked, some bosses fall short when it comes to managing up – with disastrous consequences, Have you ever had a boss who accepts poor decisions from upper management and commits her team to deliver on unreasonable requests without pushing back?

This type of boss is like Lord Cardigan, who sent his light cavalry to their deaths in a frontal assault in the famous Charge of the Light Brigade – a task they were not trained nor well-suited for. It turns out he was acting on incorrect orders that were the result of a miscommunication in the chain of command.

A boss who sends her team into harm’s way over and over – without ever even asking questions -- is a coward because she lacks the courage to speak up.

Some final notes

Thanks: To readers who have worked directly with coward bosses and shared their experiences.

Congratulations: To readers who persevered and found productive ways to deal with coward bosses. Many changed jobs within their companies, others got new jobs in new companies, and some started their own companies and became their own bosses (brave ones, I hope).

Plus: I appreciate the bosses who commented that this has been a good checklist of what not to do.

Finally: Thank you to the readers who hated my post and had the courage to say so.

###

For tips, read Six Tips To Handle Your Coward Boss

Note: Again in this post, I have alternated between the “he” and “she” pronouns when describing coward bosses. Frankly, I find “s/he” clunky, even in writing. And of course, all of these signs can apply to both men and women.

Friday, June 6, 2014

D-Day

War correspondent Ernie Pyle (center) talks with Marines below deck on a U.S. Navy transport en route to the invasion of Okinawa during World War II. Pyle was killed about a month later, on April 18, 1945, by Japanese machine-gun fire on the island of Ie Shima.
Courtesy of the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel


I’ve always enjoyed writers who in their first few sentences can instantly transport you to the time and place they want you to be. They make you see in your minds eye exactly what they are seeing. Over the years I’ve read lots of Ernie Pyle’s dispatches about WWII. Somehow I missed the one below.
After reading it, especially the last two paragraphs, think of how you would explain to someone why Americans would spit on soldiers returning from Vietnam.
Explain why a whole group of soldiers who fought the Korean War would be “forgotten.”
Explain why an American president would not try to do something to help an American embassy that was under fire in Libya.
As far as I know I had no relatives in the D-Day invasion, nor do I have any buried in soldiers graves in Europe or Asia.
Even with that in mind, I read the story below and it makes me feel even more determined to be a better husband, father, and American so that these soldiers sacrifices were not in vain.
These days when many people in our country have an entitlement mentality or a “me first” attitude, I wonder if I’m alone in having this feeling.
I sure hope I’m not.

Thank you again to all of our veterans, of ANY war!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy




Normandy Beachhead — In the preceding column we told about the D-day wreckage among our machines of war that were expended in taking one of the Normandy beaches.

But there is another and more human litter. It extends in a thin little line, just like a high-water mark, for miles along the beach. This is the strewn personal gear, gear that will never be needed again, of those who fought and died to give us our entrance into Europe.

Here in a jumbled row for mile on mile are soldiers' packs. Here are socks and shoe polish, sewing kits, diaries, Bibles and hand grenades. Here are the latest letters from home, with the address on each one neatly razored out – one of the security precautions enforced before the boys embarked.

Here are toothbrushes and razors, and snapshots of families back home staring up at you from the sand. Here are pocketbooks, metal mirrors, extra trousers, and bloody, abandoned shoes. Here are broken-handled shovels, and portable radios smashed almost beyond recognition, and mine detectors twisted and ruined.

Here are torn pistol belts and canvas water buckets, first-aid kits and jumbled heaps of lifebelts. I picked up a pocket Bible with a soldier's name in it, and put it in my jacket. I carried it half a mile or so and then put it back down on the beach. I don't know why I picked it up, or why I put it back down.

Soldiers carry strange things ashore with them. In every invasion you'll find at least one soldier hitting the beach at H-hour with a banjo slung over his shoulder. The most ironic piece of equipment marking our beach — this beach of first despair, then victory — is a tennis racket that some soldier had brought along. It lies lonesomely on the sand, clamped in its rack, not a string broken.

Two of the most dominant items in the beach refuse are cigarets and writing paper. Each soldier was issued a carton of cigarets just before he started. Today these cartons by the thousand, water-soaked and spilled out, mark the line of our first savage blow.

Writing paper and air-mail envelopes come second. The boys had intended to do a lot of writing in France. Letters that would have filled those blank, abandoned pages.

Always there are dogs in every invasion. There is a dog still on the beach today, still pitifully looking for his masters.

He stays at the water's edge, near a boat that lies twisted and half sunk at the water line. He barks appealingly to every soldier who approaches, trots eagerly along with him for a few feet, and then, sensing himself unwanted in all this haste, runs back to wait in vain for his own people at his own empty boat.

Over and around this long thin line of personal anguish, fresh men today are rushing vast supplies to keep our armies pushing on into France. Other squads of men pick amidst the wreckage to salvage ammunition and equipment that are still usable.

Men worked and slept on the beach for days before the last D-day victim was taken away for burial.

I stepped over the form of one youngster whom I thought dead. But when I looked down I saw he was only sleeping. He was very young, and very tired. He lay on one elbow, his hand suspended in the air about six inches from the ground. And in the palm of his hand he held a large, smooth rock.

I stood and looked at him a long time. He seemed in his sleep to hold that rock lovingly, as though it were his last link with a vanishing world. I have no idea at all why he went to sleep with the rock in his hand, or what kept him from dropping it once he was asleep. It was just one of those little things without explanation that a person remembers for a long time.

The strong, swirling tides of the Normandy coastline shift the contours of the sandy beach as they move in and out. They carry soldiers' bodies out to sea, and later they return them. They cover the corpses of heroes with sand, and then in their whims they uncover them.

As I plowed out over the wet sand of the beach on that first day ashore, I walked around what seemed to be a couple of pieces of driftwood sticking out of the sand. But they weren't driftwood.

They were a soldier's two feet. He was completely covered by the shifting sands except for his feet. The toes of his GI shoes pointed toward the land he had come so far to see, and which he saw so briefly.

-Ernie Pyle