March 2013 Jokes

The jokes for this month are very timely if you have been following economics and religious news in February and March 2013. My thanks again to Mark T. for submitting these jokes. If you have jokes you want to submit feel free to post them or send them. They just have to be clean enough to tell your mother.
Thanks for reading!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

A physician, an engineer and an economist were discussing their professions and debating which was the most venerable and most established.  

The physician finally said “Just look at the beginning of the Bible.  God created man in his own image, and then created woman from a rib.  Obviously, God is a physician, the origin of medicine is traced to creation, and being a doctor is the most venerable and established profession.  The physician sat back, satisfied to have settled the point. 

The engineer said “Not so fast.  Turn back a few pages.  Everything was confusion and chaos, light was mixed with dark, the earth was without form, and everything was all mixed up with the firmament.  It was a mess.  God sorted out all the confusion by separating the heavens, creating the earth, and organizing everything.  It was the greatest engineering feat of all time.  Obviously, God was an engineer before turning to medicine, and engineering is the most venerable and established profession.  The physician conceded.  The engineer sat back, satisfied to have settled the point.  

The economist looked at them both and asked: “Who do you think created all that confusion and chaos?” 

And:

If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they still would not reach a conclusion. 

And:

What do the Pope and the American people have in common?

As of March 1, they are both sequestered. 

If You Look Good...

ME: "Coach. How come we have to shine our cleats for practice. It's only practice not a game."
COACH: "If you look good, you feel good. If you feel good you play good. Doesn't matter if it is a game or practice."

Those were the words of my first soccer coach in high school.
We had to make sure our cleats were clean and shiny before each practice and game.
He was right. In fact it sounded similar to my dad's advice of making sure I had good shoes, watch, and pen for sales calls later in life.

Have A Good Pair Of Shoes
Good-shoes-story

How do they apply in a sales or job interview situation?
How you carry yourself is important in any sales situation, including as a job seeker. Often times it is how you handle yourself and your body language that sells  you or your products.
Everyone loves to buy, but hates to be sold.
If you approach those situations dressed well, it is one less thing you have to worry about. That adds to your confidence which makes your body language more positive and confident. Those things lend credibility.
With credibility comes trust. Trust breaks down barriers. Barriers coming down leads to someone being open to your ideas and products and who you are. If they like you, odds are the sale or job is yours.
The buyer if given a choice between two products that are the same in every manner, will most likely buy from the person they liked better. Think about it. Who would you rather buy from, the salesperson who seems bored and has no confidence, and is not friendly; or the person who is excited about life and what they are doing and where they are going, and is a nice friendly person?
I know who I would buy from. Then again I might be biased.

Thanks!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy 

Most Unusual Excuses for Arriving Late

I was late to a sales meeting once because I had a flat tire, the third one in less than two weeks. I arrived at the meeting with tire dirt on my hands and a tire stain on my suit pants. Proof. What would you think if you got the excuses in Susan's article. What was the most unusual excuse for being late you received?Thanks!Ev

The most unusual excuses for arriving late to the office

By Susan Ricker, CareerBuilder Writer

Getting ready for work may take a few minutes for some or a few hours for others. No matter how long it takes you to head out the door, there may be some days when it seems as though the clock's against you. According to a new CareerBuilder study, 26 percent of workers admit to being tardy at least once a month, and 16 percent are late once a week or more.
More than 2,600 hiring managers and more than 3,900 workers nationwide were surveyed to find out what's delaying workers from starting on time, what causes them to run late and the consequences of delayed arrivals.
"Employers understand that every now and again circumstances will arise that are out of a worker's control and, unfortunately, cause a late arrival to work," says Rosemary Haefner, vice president of human resources at CareerBuilder. "It escalates to a problem when the behavior becomes repetitive, causing employers to take disciplinary action. More than one-third of hiring managers reported they had to fire someone for being late."
Excuses, excuses
Hiring managers shared some of the most memorable excuses they've heard from employees who were late getting to the office. While 31 percent of workers pointed to traffic as the most common cause for tardiness, some answers were more memorable than a bad commute:

• Employee dropped her purse into a coin-operated newspaper box and couldn't retrieve it without change -- which was in the purse.


• Employee accidentally left the apartment with his roommate's girlfriend's shoes on and had to go back to change.


• Employee's angry wife had frozen his truck keys in a glass of water in the freezer.


• Employee got a late start because she was putting a raincoat on her concrete duck in her front yard, because rain was expected later that day.


• Employee's car wouldn't start because the device measuring blood-alcohol level showed he was intoxicated.


• Employee attempted to cut his own hair before work and the clippers stopped working, so he had to wait until the barber shop opened to fix his hair.


• Employee's car was attacked by a bear. (Employee had photographic evidence.)


• Employee drove to her previous employer by mistake.


• Employee claimed to have delivered a stranger's baby on the side of the highway.

Avoiding a late arrival
The key to being punctual and avoiding your employer's frustration is to understand your schedule and be prepared. If you have free time in the evening, take advantage of the extra minutes and prepare your meals, clothes and bag or briefcase then. Likewise, if you need daylight to get moving, set the alarm for an earlier wake-up time to avoid rushing and running late. Also check how the weather may affect your commute, and leave ample time to get to the office. These small steps can get you to work on time and save you from trying to come up with a believable story.

Good Shoes Story

I started off another blog entry with this bit of advice from my dad:

"When you are in sales son, you always want to make sure you have three things:
1. a good pair of shoes and make sure they are shined
2. a good pen
3. a good watch
These three things will give you credibility that you have some sales success and if your customer believes that, they are more likely to listen to what you have to say and ultimately buy from you."
To read the rest of that story click here:
have-good-pair-of-shoes

Here is a one of my favorite stories on how having the right pair of shoes paid off for me.

I was about 25 and selling recruitment radio advertising. I called on the district manager for MetLife,  a gentleman named Scott. Since it was an insurance company I was going to I figured to was going to be a more conservative company and office setting.
Being a younger salesman, and wanting to make a good impression, I made sure I wore my best suit and everything was clean and pressed (I always did but I made double sure this time).
I knew that if Scott was the district manager for MetLife he must be good in sales.
My dad's advice rang loudly in my head.
Even though my clothes weren't top of the line since I was new to sales and not pulling in six figure commissions, I wasn't going to let Scott dismiss me because I got the basics for being a salesperson wrong. I shined up my Allen Edmonds wingtips and went to the appointment.

Getting to the MetLife office confirmed my good idea of being ready to impress.
Stepping off the elevator at the top floor corner office I was met by Scott.
First thing he did was look at my shoes.
He didn't see a cheap pair of dress shoes.
He saw a young salesman who was serious about his career.
He raised his eyes to mine, said hello, stuck his hand out to shake and we began the meeting.

He didn't buy any radio commercials that day, however he gave me 45 minutes of his time.
As he walked me to the elevator he paid me the compliment of being a good young salesman. He said he could tell that because of my shoes and that I took the time to shine them.
He said if I hadn't shined them he wouldn't have met with me.

I'm glad to say soon after Scott did become a client for many years. He is someone whose advice has been solid for me when it comes to sales and I appreciate what he told me that day.
When I see him I remind him of this story...because he still looks at my shoes!

Thanks dad once again for the advice!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

LinkedIn for the Stealth Job Seeker

Wayne was briefly a client of mine in a past sales life.
He is now a well known LinkedIn trainer. Look for his books and articles everywhere on the web and at a training seminar near you.
Thanks Wayne!
Ev

LinkedIn for the Sealth Job Seeker

Posted on May 22, 2011 by Wayne

Number 1. Yes, that’s right. Number 1. A few weeks ago, when my wife and I were settling in to work on the weekly tip, we decided to start the day by checking the Amazon book rankings for LinkedIn books. When we pushed the “enter” button, lo and behold……The Power Formula for LinkedIn Success came up first! Thanks to all of you who have consistently supported my LinkedIn training efforts and spread the word about my book to your networks. Now I need your help us stay atop the list. Customer reviews are critical for first-time authors and also play a big part in the rankings. If you enjoyed my book, I would appreciate your taking the time to write a review. Simply go to my book page on Amazon and click the “Create your own review” button that appears on the right-hand side partway down the screen.  We just authorized a second printing of the book, which is cool but a bit scary at the same time. So your efforts to continue promoting the book are greatly appreciated. Now on to this week’s tip, which is specifically for the person who is looking to find that next great position but in an “unofficial way.” I will answer these frequently asked questions: 1.  Would my being on LinkedIn suggest to my boss that I am looking for a job? 2.  What are the steps I should be following on LinkedIn in order to position myself for a new job and maybe even be proactive in looking for a new job? The answer to the first question is “no.” There are over 100 million people on LinkedIn, and the vast majority of us are not looking for jobs. As long as you use your head and don’t use words like “seeking,” “pursuing,” “looking” (the kind of words official job seekers need to use), you should look like the rest of us who use LinkedIn daily to grow our networks and ultimately our businesses. Now on to the meat of the tip, where I will answer question #2, and I am calling this: LinkedIn for the Stealth Job Seeker Profile Steps: Maximize usage of the keywords hiring managers and recruiters use to describe your specialties and skills. Don’t forget things like software, processes, job duties, titles, industry certifications, and other words that are specific to your skills and industry.  Use the available 2,000 characters to write very detailed descriptions of your accomplishments for each and every job entry you have listed. You don’t know which job entry or combinations of job entries will be the differentiator between you and your competitors. Think of each job as a stand-alone entry (not just a series of jobs), and this will cause you to describe each job more fully and with more details. Have a headline that is strategically keyword filled. 28 characters are available. Use every one. Use the Skills section to include additional keywords but also to display your various types of expertise. Include any specialized educational courses in your Education section, and describe those courses in detail, with lots of–you guessed it–keywords. You are allowed 2,000 characters for each of these as well. Don’t skimp on including honors and awards you have earned over the years. Proactive Steps: Use the Jobs Tab, and be sure to save ten job searches–the maximum number LinkedIn allows. This will be your 24/7 virtual assistant. It will look for the jobs you have said you are interested in and alert you when there are jobs posted on LinkedIn that meet your criteria. Set your three free saved advanced people searches for the target companies you are interested in working for. Of course, the titles you should set as criteria are the human resource people and/or the hiring manager. But in the company slot, be aware that by using the OR between company names you can get a lot more coverage than just searching and saving one company. For example, if I am looking for a controller job at Bucyrus International and Harley-Davidson in Milwaukee, I would set the criteria as Title:  hr OR “human resources” OR cfo OR “vp of finance” Company:  ”harley-davidson” OR “bucyrus international” Postal Code:  53092 Within:  50 miles

• Join industry groups, and be sure to check the Jobs Tab within those groups for job postings.

• Save your favorite status update searches (you find this on your home page by clicking “Search Updates”). Type in the box the names of your target companies in your target region. Many HR professionals use status updates to announce job openings to their network, which you may not even be a part of.   

• Select “Follow Company” in the companies section for all of your target companies. This way you will be notified of employment changes in the organization as well as specific job postings the company may make.

Remember this — HR professionals and recruiters are using LinkedIn, the world’s largest searchable database, to look for YOU! Following these steps will increase the odds that they will find you.

Have a Good Pair of Shoes

Dad and a northern at Long Lake

"When you are in sales son, you always want to make sure you have three things:
1. a good pair of shoes and make sure they are shined
2. a good pen
3. a good watch
These three things will give you credibility that you have some sales success and if your customer believes that, they are more likely to listen to what you have to say and ultimately buy from you."

Those were the words of my dad to me when I first started selling Kirby vacuum cleaners when I was 19.
For all the years I've been in sales these words still ring true and have been the basis of some of my favorite sales stories.

Growing up until I was in second grade I always wore leather dress shoes. School. Church. Just about anywhere and to do anything except play sports or something messy.
I don't know why I wore them. I just did. Maybe it was because of my dad.
Like all little kids under four years old, I would wear his hats and carry his briefcase and say I was off to work. Cute kid stuff.

My dad wore good leather work shoes all the time, Allen Edmonds and other brand names. He would even save his old pairs of dress shoes and use those to bike ride, go fishing in,fix the car, whatever he was doing.
Picture a man in his 50's, 60's, and 70's walking around in cut off jean shorts, black dress socks with brown or black dress shoes, and a white t-shirt outside getting all the weeds and grass from between the cracks in the sidewalk with a steak knife and you have a picture of my dad.
While we all thought he looked silly dressed like that, when he got ready for work everyday his suits and shoes were immaculate. There was no doubt that this was a man who was successful in his industry.

When I was 15 and got a job as an usher at at movie theater, a job where I was on my feet all day, my dad told me to get a good pair of shoes.
"Go get a pair of $100 shoes so your feet don't hurt," is what I remember him saying.
At the time I thought spending that much money on a pair of shoes was ridiculous. I was saving for a car, college, going out with friends. I didn't care about shoes. I didn't want to spend a week of pay on something that "wasn't fun."
While I might have thought my dad looked silly wearing his old dress shoes for everything, he never complained his feet hurt.

It is important that I explain this attitude because I didn't just develop this attitude overnight.
When I was a kid my mom  used to take me shoe shopping. Like all moms she was concerned about price versus how long I could wear shoes before I outgrew them.
We went to shoe store and I found a pair of $25 dollar shoes. I was nine. My mom said "I'm not buying you a pair of $25 shoes!" So I found a pair of $15 shoes and showed them to my mom. "I'm not buying you $15 shoes. Find something else!"
I came  back with a pair of $9 shoes. She agreed that was a good price and took them to the counter along with her shoes. Total price of all shoes, $257! I commented that it wasn't fair that my mom could spend $248 on three pairs of shoes while I couldn't spend $25 for one pair and had to settle for the $9 shoes.
I never owned a pair of Air Jordan's, PF Flyers, or any other famous tennis shoe (does anyone call them "sneakers" anymore?). To this day I haven't spent more than $30 on a pair of tennis shoes. Whenever I think about it I hear my mom those many years ago and I find a cheaper pair.

Flash forward to my first true sales job selling Kirby's. I often would walk the streets going from house to house prospecting or doing door-door demonstrations and rug cleanings. At the time my sales manager didn't care what we wore on our appointments as long it was a shirt and tie and good slacks and shoes that were not tennis shoes.
Believing I could get more use out of my shoes than just selling, I bought shoes that were the black leather casual shoes. You know the ones that don't look like a tennis shoe, but aren't really a dress shoe?
I wore those for all my appointments and I was successful selling but guess what, my feet still hurt.

Flash forward a few more years and now I'm working my first "suit and tie professional" sales job. I graduated from the "fake dress shoes" to the cheap versions of wingtips and other dress shoes that you can get for around $30 at the time.
Just like any other profession, sales is a profession where you have to study and practice to get better.
I had been practicing my presentations, closes, phone scripts, everything else that I could do to get better.
I had been out on sales calls with other senior sales people and I knew what they were doing and always thought I can do that and I can be just as good or better then they are.
Most of my clients were bars and taverns where most owners didn't care what I was wearing as long as the commercials I sold brought them customers, since it was dark in these establishments and they couldn't see my shoes anyway I stayed with the cheap dress shoes.

But when I would go on a sales call with a senior salesperson I noticed standing next to them that it was obvious who was the junior sales person.
My clothes were okay but I noticed that other salespeople just had something a little bit extra about them. It wasn't just that they had been in the profession longer or made more money.
It was polish.
This time my dad's words came back to me.
Next pay period I went to Allen Edmonds and bought my first two pairs of "expensive shoes." 
A pair of black wingtips for sales calls, and a pair of black suede casuals that would be good for the casual sales appointments.
I showed my dad and he was proud that I listened to him and told me I would see a difference in how I was perceived by other sales people and clients.

He was right.
The next day my coworkers all commented on how nice the shoes were. The most senior rep, whose name was Scott, even slapped me on the shoulder and said "welcome to the big leagues."
I stood a little straighter. Had a bigger smile on my face. More confidence.
That came through in my sales presentations.
Several additional pairs of Allen Edmonds shoes later I still have that first pair of wingtips (I don't garden in them. They're still just for business).
Clients noticed these changes too, but that is the next story.

Every salesperson I've trained since, I tell them to get a good pair of shoes.
Oh, and guess what?
My feet didn't hurt anymore.
Thanks Dad!
Ev
A Heck Of A Nice Guy's Son

ALMS cars at Road America Is A Sales Topic?

American Le Mans Series sports cars at Road America is not a sales topic in and of itself.
It is a great way to illustrate the topic of the previous article:
Avoiding Sales Burnout Through Hobbies, the 10 Best Hobbies to Boost Your Career
10-best-hobbies-to-boost-your-career

Racing and photography are two passions of mine that I indulge in when I'm not involved in family or work mode.
Both of these passions recharge my energy for all things in life.
When you have energy and passion for life it reflects on you and how you do your job.
In sales that is of tremendous importance.
You have to have time to pursue things in life that matter to you as an individual.
Find those things and take time to enjoy them.
You will be a better person for it and those around you will notice it too whether it is family or clients.

As for my hobbies...
Instead of just hanging pictures in my house or putting them into a portfolio, I've decided to publish them in books that people can enjoy.
In addition to recharging batteries,
I will SELL some as well with all profits going into my son's college fund.
Feel free to page through the book.
If you are interested in ordering a copy I can let you know the details.
Future editions will feature F1, NASCAR, and Indycars.
Thanks for reading and looking!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

HERE IS THE LINK TO THE BOOK
ALMS Cars at Road America 2006-2009

ALMS
Below is a short video featuring images from a 2011 NASCAR Nationwide race in Las Vegas I shot for
www.RacingNation.com


Below is a short video featuring images from a 2011 NASCAR Sprint Cup race in Las Vegas I shot for
www.RacingNation.com

Have A Great Out of Office Email Message

I've talked before about the importance of branding yourself so that people remember you. I've also talked about how that personnel touch on your business card  can make it easier for clients to remember and relate to you.
Personnal-branding-works
Get-good-business-card

Here is a great example of an out of office message that made me do four things:
1. actually read the whole thing
2. smile
3. share this tip to you
4. change my out of office message

Thanks David for letting me share this!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy 


Thanks for your email.  While I know it is inconvenient – I do need to let you know I am not available to answer your emails immediately.  And  I want to let you know it won’t be quite as quick as normal.  Here is some information to help you in case your request is immediate:

1.       So what’s up?

I am on a client site all day today.

2.    When will you be back?

I will be back in the office tomorrow, January 24, 2013.

3.    Who can help me if I can’t wait for your response?

For any technical issues, call the Technical Assistance Center at 414-4xx-xxxx option 1 and Evan, Greg or Jon will assist you.  You can also send technical requests to support@.com and someone will get back to you.  If your issue is an emergency, always call the office.

If this is a new client request, first of all, thank you for your inquiry and the opportunity to serve you.  Secondly, in my abscence, you can contact Ann our Business Development Director at 414-4xx-xxxx x108 or via email at ann@.com.

4.    What is the realistic expectation for a response?

I will be monitoring email while I am away and will do my best to respond.  I may forward your email to someone else who will be able to assist you with your issue.

I really do appreciate the time you took to email me.  I will respond as quickly as possible.  Remember that Outlook only sends an out of office response once – so if you will need this contact information please save it to a document.