January 2013 Jokes

Here are the jokes for January 2013. Thanks for reading and laughing (or groaning)!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy



Two guys driving west on Hwy. 94 when they pass the sign that says "Oconomowoc."
Neither guy knows how to pronounce it.
After arguing back and forth about how to pronounce the name of the town they drive into a restaurant in town.
They go up to the person behind the counter and ask:
"How do we pronounce where we are?"
The counter person says:
"Bur-ger King"

A man was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed.
The man opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

 

He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and the man said no and explained the situation.
The police explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

The man said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to the man: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

The man said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(Ev note: give the flap about Sheriff David Clark's comments I thought this joke was timely)

A  couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left  and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2012
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!