December 2014 Jokes

This month I've changed things around and made this a visual joke list.
Enjoy and thanks for reading!
Happy New Year!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

                                                                           Polar Bear

A Workforce Nightmare-81% of MPS Students Can't Read

An article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel published says that only 19% of the students in Milwaukee Public Schools read at a proficient level.
math-reading-scores-tick-up-low-proficiency-levels-persist 
That means 81% of students in MPS don't read at or above their grade level!
Why isn't there more outrage about this?!
Over three-fourths of students in MPS can barely read!
Even if 100% of those 81% graduate high school, just using common sense that learning gets harder as you get older because of life's twists and turns, I'll bet 75% of the 81% will still not be able to read at an acceptable adult level.

I don't normally rant about things not sales related in this blog, but an educated workforce is vital to a strong economy. Baby boomers are starting to retire and there isn't enough members of the next two generations to fill all the empty jobs. There is a talent shortage in all areas (and those areas that haven't been hit yet will be soon). The talent shortage will be even worse if the workforce doesn't have the basic skills to get by in life much less hold down a job in this digital world. 
This article puts everything into perspective.
Most people who will be in the job market in the next 10 years won't be able to read in order to get jobs to work their way up the ladder of success into careers where they can make good money.

School is hard work. Learning takes effort. Parents have to make their kids read to them and parents read to the kids. Parents have to ask to see the math homework. No matter how busy the schedule or the quality of the school, all parents can find 20-30 minutes to do these tasks. The laundry and dishes can wait until the kid is in bed. Sorry if you don't get to watch the latest episode of Downton Abbey or CSI. You're a parent, and teaching your child or reinforcing what they have learned is your job. 

A recruiter for the US Army that I worked with on several projects told me repeatedly in 2006-2010 that the army had not actively recruited in MPS high schools for roughly ten years because those graduates didn't have the basic reading and math skills to operate modern military equipment.
So much for "three hots and a cot" as a safety net for those people who needed some sort of job or career.
I can see why the army doesn't want MPS graduates because they probably couldn't read the front of a claymore mine to know to "face front towards the enemy."

The work force demands higher skilled workers even to run basic equipment like digital point-of-sale machines (we used to call them cash registers).
Recruiters for any position can't use candidates that don't know how to do math or read.
Reading and math are job skills you need at every job you can think of! There isn't a job or career where you won't need to read something or do a math problem at some point.


Here is a simple idea to fix the problem. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen more quickly than we think.
Parents read to your children 20-30 minutes a day. Do math the same amount of time, or at least check their work when they are done with their homework. That is your part.
 
Kids! 
Your part is to read to alternate reading to your parents and having them read to you. Then eventually you read to them for the whole 20-30 minutes. Explain to them how you figure out your math problems so they know the logic you are using. Then listen to their advice.
Just do it. No fussing. So what if you miss watching Toy Story or Cars. You can watch them later. When you've learned to read and write you'll understand and enjoy the movies even more because you will understand other dialog and scenes you missed when you couldn't read. Listen to your parents and do what they say. Respect your teachers too and try your best at your work! 
It may seem easier to not try and live on a government handout, but it will cost you more in the end.

I'm not worried about offending anyone with this article.The 81% who can't read will either not be able to read it, understand it, or see the logic of the examples.
They'll relay on someone else telling them what they think it means and taking it for gospel.

Thanks for letting me vent!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

3 Reasons Why Your Recruiting Firm May Be Underperforming

Jon Bartos has several good points here when looked at from a higher level.
Thanks Jon for the perspective.
Ev

3 Reasons Why Your Recruiting Firm May Be Underperforming
By Jon Bartos

3-reasons-why-your-recruiting-firm-may-be-underperforming

During a speaking engagement a few years ago, I asked about 350 account executives, “Can we all agree that four hours per day of phone time is critical to our success?”  Three hundred and fifty hands shot into the air.  I followed with “How many of you actually hit four hours of phone time per day?”  Just three hands went up.  Three people out of 350, yet every single person in that room knew what they needed to do.  They just didn’t do it.
It can be tempting to take shortcuts, to ignore your instincts about success.  A personal example: a few years ago, my office was hovering around 3.5 hours of average daily phone time.  My goal for each individual was four hours per day, and two people were hitting it regularly, two phone-time heroes.  But the majority of my team was just getting by with the minimum.  The new manager of a recruiting firm came to me and suggested that we lower the phone time goal to 3.5 hours per day to make everyone feel better.  Against my better judgment, I agreed.  Two months into this idea and our pair of phone-time heroes continued to perform well.  Everyone else in the office dropped to an average of just three hours per day.
I admitted my mistake, and realized that people tend to perform at or below minimum expectations for success in ALL areas of their lives.
As a business owner, someone who is dedicated to training and delivering top achievers, I’ve thought long and hard about why this is.  My three answers are detailed below:

1. Society has begun to accept (and expect) underperformance.

This is the era of participation awards.  Sports, schools, jobs . . . they all reward participation versus real achievement.  Just showing up should not be cause for celebration.  Yet today, parties are thrown for graduating from the fifth grade.  Trophies are handed out to every member of the team instead of honoring top performers.  Society seems to value mediocrity.  At soccer games at our local junior high school, they don’t display the true final score of a soccer game if one team won by more than five goals.  School officials don’t want players and their parents to feel bad.  Are you outraged?  You should be.  Because it isn’t just kids’ soccer we’re talking about.  It’s establishing the false premise that “average is acceptable.”  The truth is, there are winners and losers in life.  In the real world, we don’t get to choose to acknowledge only the scores we like.  We aren’t rewarded for simply participating.  It’s all about getting the job done better.  Don’t ever let it be okay for you or your office to be just average.

2. We don’t know what to do.

You can’t win the game if you don’t know the rules.  To be successful in business—and recruiting—you’ve got to know what you’re doing.  If you don’t understand how to make an effective marketing call, or how to set up a metrics system to manage your recruiting firm, you’d better find out.  It isn’t enough to just say you want to succeed.  You need to learn everything there is to know about recruiting.  I often wonder if people studied more in high school or college than they do when learning their profession.  You need to take every day in the office as seriously as final exams in college.  If you are primed with in-depth professional knowledge, you can’t fail.  You need to be a student of the game, obtaining all the information you can to help you be more successful at what you do.
As recruiters, we have so many great resources.  Wonderful training programs and fantastic coaches are available to you that can give you valuable, continuing education and mentoring.  Don’t let lack of knowledge stop you from achieving your goals.

3. We know what to do and we know how to do it, but we still don’t do it.

Many people know exactly what to do, and exactly how to do it.  Yet they simply choose not to.  It’s always surprising to me to see great recruiters show up to work with no plan for the day.  I guess that’s why we have superstars.  Because they are in the minority, and they always get the job done, no matter what.  The average performer knows very well he should plan for the next day before leaving the office.  But there’s always a reason why it’s more important to walk out the door at 5 p.m. today than to plan to be successful for the next.
It’s sort of like grabbing that second doughnut in the office break room.  Everyone says they want to be healthy.  Everyone knows they shouldn’t eat junk and sit around playing video games instead of going to the gym.  But many, many of us are unwilling to apply what we know and execute it by working out and eating right.
Unfortunately, the cost of failure in life is much bigger than whether or not you look fit in your suit.  When you fail to achieve career success, it affects not only you, but also your kids, your spouse, and your friends.  If you choose not to pay the price of success, you fail, and it can quickly become a habit.  Repeated over and over, dreams become distant prayers, and your true potential never materializes.  A lot of things can happen along with habitual failure, and none of it is good.
One in 10 new account executives and search consultants make it to their one-year anniversary in recruiting.  That means 90% of the people fail in this business.  Staggering, isn’t it?  It sounds like the odds are stacked against you, but the good news is that there’s a way to dramatically increase your chance of success for every new recruiter or struggling veteran.
And in my next blog post, I’ll tell you what that way is.

– — –

Jon Bartos, a guest writer for the Top Echelon Recruiter Training Blog, is a premier writer, speaker, and consultant on all aspects of personal performance, human capital, and the analytics behind them.  In December of 2012, Bartos joined trustaff Solutions as the president.  Founded in 2002, trustaff Solutions has been distinguished nationally five times by Inc. Magazine as one of the fastest-growing, privately-held companies in the country.

We're All in Sales

You're a salesperson.
Don't kid yourself if you say you hate selling or your present job isn't in sales.
We are all in sales and we are always selling...ourselves.
We sell to our bosses that we can do a job and leave a good impression at the end of the day.
We sell our significant others we are worthy of their love.
We sell the cute person across the room we should get together for a date.
We sell the recruiter or HR person that we are a worthy candidate.

You are in sales. 
What you are selling is you, no matter what your degree is and what job you are going for.
Ev

November 2014 Jokes

November was an election month and it featured Bears vs. Packers in football.
Given those two elements I thought these were appropriate.
Thanks to M.T. for sending these in!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

Meanwhile, I know these are bad.  Just grin and Bear it. 

Jay Cutler told his receivers a joke, but it was over their heads

Cutler was not able to get into his driveway – there was an end zone painted on it. 

Cutler can’t use a phone because he can’t find the receiver.

Jay Cutler is like a Grizzly Bear.  He goes into hibernation every fall. 

The Bears don’t have a website because they can’t put three “W’s” together. 

What does Cutler do after he wins the superbowl?  Turns off the playstation. 

Oh, and I am sure you heard about Gov. Walker’s tweet, but in case not, he tweeted that he now has more wins in Wisconsin than Jay Cutler. 

Happy Thanksgiving Cartoons

We have a lot of to be thankful for living in this country.
I'm thankful for my family, clients, and you for taking the time to read this blog!
Give thanks for all you have and for all the struggles that make you better.
Give Thanks for all the good people you've hired and all the good clients you've gained.
Hug someone you love.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

My Dad's book. I have to get a plug in on the biggest eating day of the year!

Have A Great Out of Office Message (UNLESS YOUR COMPANY HAS NO SENSE of PROFESSIONAL HUMOR)

Hi!

You have almost reached Everet.

Thanks for your email. While I know it is inconvenient – I do need to let you know I am not available to answer your emails until July 22nd.

Why?

I've heard tales of places with five foot high mice, giant dogs, and ducks that speak. After years of hearing these tales I'm off to see if they are true (I'm going to Disneyland).

I'm a client and I need to talk to you!
As you know my clients are my priority and I appreciate you to the ends of the world! If you are one of my clients and need immediate help, please contact A---- H---, Director of Career Services, 444-555-1212 or myboss@whereIwork.edu

I'm a student and I need help!
Please see above or wait until I get back. Remember A---- will be busier than normal without me, so don't run into the office screaming and yelling for her because she may be talking to someone else at the same time. Bringing cookies would be a nice touch and a good way to start your conversation.

What is the realistic expectation for a response while you are gone?
None. I understand these giant mice, ducks, and dogs are shy.
I don't want to spook them with beeps and dings from my phone going off while searching for them.

Isn't it going to be weird being unplugged in this digital world?
Yes. Good thing I have several years of practice.

I really do appreciate the time you took to email me. I will respond as quickly as possible. Remember that Outlook only sends an out of office response once – so if you will need this contact information please save it to a document.

Thank you!
Everet

The above was my out of office email for a vacation period at a former employer
(have-great-out-of-office-email-message proof-clever-outbound-messages-do-work).
There was never an issue with the same message for other vacations.
In fact co-workers and clients LOVED it.
It made them WANT TO CALL ME BACK and they told me so.

When I came back from vacation I changed my message back to my usual:

Hi!

You have almost reached Everet.

Thanks for your email. While I know it is inconvenient – I do need to let you know I am not available to answer your emails until (date).

I'm a client and I need to talk to you!

As you know my clients are my priority and I appreciate you to the ends of the world! If you are one of my clients and need immediate help, please contact A---- H---, Director of Career Services, 444-555-1212 or myboss@whereIwork.edu

I'm a student and I need help!
Please see above or wait until I get back. Remember A---- will be busier than normal without me, so don't run into the office screaming and yelling for her because she may be talking to someone else at the same time. Bringing cookies would be a nice touch and a good way to start your conversation. I really do appreciate the time you took to email me. I will respond as quickly as possible. Remember that Outlook only sends an out of office response once – so if you will need this contact information please save it to a document.

Thank you!
Everet
 
Clients appreciated my personalization and humor!
All was right with the world until...a new director was hired.
After a few months on the job, suddenly the director tells me that "someone at corporate has a problem with my email message." I asked who it was and if I can hear it straight from them. The director never came clean with the answer.
My opinion is that no one at corporate had an issue with my message, the new director did.
Rather than ask WHY my message was the way it was and what response it provided, the director just wanted it changed to the same boring message everyone has.
Managers be straight with your people. If you like or hate something say so, don't invent imaginary people and reasons and hide behind them. Your employees may or may not like you for it, but they'll respect you because they will know where they stand.

Eventually I changed my message to the one below:

Stop! Please read this message.
Thanks for your email.

As of ---------,----- Everet is no longer working at --- -------.

I'm a client and I need to talk to you!
As you know my clients are my priority and I appreciate you to the ends of the world! If you are one of my clients and need immediate help, please contact G---- H-----, Director of Career Services, 414-555-1212 or person@forprofitcollege.edu

I'm a student and I need help!
Please see above. Remember G---- will be busier than normal without me, so don't run into the office screaming and yelling for her because she may be talking to someone else at the same time. Bringing cookies would be a nice touch and a good way to start your conversation.

I really do appreciate the time you took to work with me over the years. Remember that Outlook only sends an out of office response once – so if you will need this contact information please save it to a document.

The new director's opinion on my message wasn't  what made me leave, but it was a sign that the culture had changed. Clients love to work with real people. People who are honest to them and themselves.

I have an extrovert personality and wear my heart on my sleeve.

By reading this blog you know I like to have fun and present things in an interesting way with a sense of humor.

Managers and salespeople be yourself.
If you are being told you shouldn't be and it is the core of who you are as a person, maybe look for another home.
Managers when you have someone who is performing and a great fit for the company, maybe pick your battles and put aside what you might not like and let that person keep doing what they are doing (as long of course as it is legal, ethical, and doesn't harm the company). It saves a lot of time and money rather than having to advertise, search, and hire someone else and get them up to speed.

Thanks for reading and listening to my out of office message all these years!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

What Makes A Good Boss?

I've had good bosses and bad bosses.
I've been a good boss and a bad boss (only in my opinion of course...ha...ha :)
In reading Tony's article
What is a good boss
it reminds me of what I'm doing right and what needs to be worked on.
What did you learn from the bosses you've had.
Thanks Tony!
Ev
BTW: What happened to point number four?

How to be a great boss? Part II. Mentorship Mondays -Lessons on Leadership
by
Tony Jalan

"The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor but without folly.” – Jim Rohn

Stop for a moment and think of all the great bosses you have had. What traits made them great? I have asked this question countless of times over the past 15 years. I have heard on what makes a great boss vs a horrible boss.
What traits make bosses great, appreciated and respected? Below are 7 simple characteristics that make a great boss gathered from 100s of interviews.


1. Great bosses have a high SAYDO ratio! What they say they are going to do they do! It was a few years back and someone said, " Here we go again..The idea of the month...My boss reads a book then thinks it's the best thing since slice bread. Why don't we actually DO what we SAY we are going to do before changing things up. It actually may make a difference!"
What is your SAYDO ratio?

2. Great Bosses Praise in Public, Criticize in Private. - Hundreds of interviews and recognition has to be in the top 3 for traits of Great Bosses.

3. Great bosses-Seek first to understand vs seeking first to be understood- One interviewee once said, "My favorite boss was a great listener. I would come to her with an issue and before offering advice she would always ask me for more details about the issue and really try to understand everything before jumping in and giving her two cents. This empowered me! Most of the time I knew the answer. All I had to do was talk it out loud."
Are you reacting to issues or responding to issues?

5. Great bosses don't try to please everyone and make it their mission to be liked.- If you try to please everyone someone is going to be disappointed. Building trust in any organization is vital to its success. You do that everyday. Letting everyone know what is acceptable and what isn't. What values drive your decisions. If your staff believes that your process in making decisions is fair and in black and white they can work through their disappointments and frustrations. What are your Standards of Performance and does your team know what they are?

6.Great bosses want to learn from others and maintain humility-Assuming your employees aren’t smarter than you in countless ways is a big mistake. Asking for their advice, thinking it will make you look weak is not true. It could, in fact, keep you from a blunder. Holding yourself to a different standard of accountability than your staff is a recipe for disaster. Apologizing for a mistake doesn't undercut your standing as a leader. It simply shows that you are HUMAN!
Develop a reputation for responding without a roller coaster of emotions to your employees' mistakes. The way you handle theirs sets a tone for how yours are viewed by them.

7.Great bosses apologize- "I will never forget when my boss apologized for messing up.I nearly fell off my chair!" Always apologize sincerely and specifically when you screw up, publicly and privately. Use the lessons of your own mistakes to help yourself and others grow. Leaders can be more effective when they teach from their failures rather than just their victories.

Your people are your greatest resource; listen to their feedback and encourage their dreams. You never know where your next great idea will come from, your next great leader, so empower everyone up and down throughout your organization to contribute and make a difference.
Hopefully, you have received value from this two part series on " How to be a great boss?". I would love to hear your feedback on other traits that make a boss GREAT!

Thank you for investing your time in reading this post!
Tony Jalan
Developing Leaders one person at a time.

7 Money Myths About Millennials

In my experience a lot of companies seem to think they can make a low money offer to millennials and they'll take anything because of the myths below. Remember when making an offer money still matters to people no matter what you read.
Thanks Valencia for helping to set the record straight.
Ev

By Valencia Higuera, Contributor
7-money-myths-about-millennials 
Just about everyone has an opinion about the millennial generation, which includes about 80 million people born between approximately 1982 and 2002. And, unfortunately, opinions aren't all positive. If anything, millennials receive the baddest rap of all generations. Sure, they're a diverse, social and tech-savvy generation. But at the same time, there's no shortage of stereotypes attached to these young adults. They're often described as pampered, lazy and entitled. And, with regard to personal finances, many believe millennials don't have a firm grip on their money, largely due to present economic conditions.
It's true that some millennials find it harder to save and balance their money in the aftermath of the recession, and many have been impacted by the lack of available jobs. But this doesn't mean the generation is financially doomed. In fact, research shows that many commonly held beliefs about millennials and their money just aren't true.

1. They're selfish with their money.
Judging by the number of selfies this generation posts on social media sites, millennials are the "me" generation -- and often labeled as narcissists. However, this generation isn't overly self-absorbed and only concerned with themselves. According to data compiled by the Nielsen Company, "three-quarters of millennials made a financial gift to a non-profit in 2011." Additionally, "63 percent of millennials feel it is their responsibility to care for an elderly parent, compared with only 55 percent of boomers."

2. They don't care about their personal finances.
There's plenty of data that suggests otherwise. A 2013 Wells Fargo survey found that more than half of millennials (about 54 percent) say debt is their "biggest financial concern." And according to a recent Fidelity study, 39 percent of millennials worry about their financial future "at least once a week." Contrary to what some people believe, this generation isn't sitting around with their heads stuck in the sand. They're regrouping and making adjustments in the wake of the Great Recession -- just like every other generation.

3. They're all happily insured.
Health care reform gave millennials who otherwise couldn't get health insurance access to coverage, and given that the Affordable Care Acts requires everyone to purchase insurance, some might conclude that millennials now have the insurance they need -- but this isn't the case. A survey by Princeton Survey Research Associates International revealed 24 percent of Americans age 18 to 29 don't have health insurance.
There are several possible reasons behind the lack of coverage, such as the inability to afford it due to high student loan debt and modest salaries. Millennials are also less likely to carry other types of coverage, such as life, renter's and disability insurance.

4. They spend money irresponsibly.
Believe it or not, this is a deal-conscious generation. Although millennials are more likely to make an impulse purchase, they're careful about how they spend their money. The Nielsen Company survey reports that "deals account for 31 percent of their shopping dollars." Additionally, "the top 20 apps used by millennials are either retail or discount focused, with Amazon Mobile and Groupon topping the charts."

5. They're all broke.
Living paycheck to paycheck isn't a foreign concept for many millennials, but don't feel sorry for this generation as a whole. Although the Nielsen survey says "younger Millennials have a median household income of $24,973 -- roughly half the overall median income of $49,297," millennials are the most educated generation, and therefore more likely to enjoy higher earnings as the economy and job market improves. The survey also found that "millennials make up 14.7 percent of those with assets beyond $2 million, just behind boomers," and "roughly 8 percent have their own businesses."

6. They want the American Dream.
Everyone wants a four-bedroom house in suburban American with a white picket fence, right? Home buying might have been item No. 1 on the to-do list of boomers and Gen X, but many millennials are taking their time.
Approximately two-thirds of millennials rent; they're also more likely to live with relatives or a roommate. What's more, in 2011,"14 percent of millennial homeowners went back to renting compared with 4 percent of the general homeowner population," per the Nielsen survey. Whether millennials choose to rent or buy, urban living seems to be more attractive than suburban life. About 62 percent of millennials prefer living in urban settings where everything is within close proximity -- home, office, entertainment, shopping and restaurants.

7. They have unrealistic expectations.
At present, millennials might not earn as much as they would like, they might struggle with student debt, have no health insurance and keep limited funds in their retirement accounts -- but overall, they're optimistic about their financial future. It might take longer to achieve what their parents have, but they're not giving up.
About 67 percent of millennials think they'll ultimately achieve a better standard of living than their parents, according to the Wells Fargo survey. In addition to this outlook, "half of millennials say they're confident in their own abilities to earn and save money for their financial future."

A Linked In Profile is NOT a Resume

Recently a member of my team received an email from a  client.
The recruiter had written a nice summary of the candidate's qualifications and included a link to his LinkedIn profile. 
In this case the candidate wasn't exactly sure about if he was interested in the job and had several questions that the recruiter couldn't answer in full because they were of a technical nature of the job.
The recruiter decided to send over the summary and LI profile to see if the client wouldn't mind talking to the candidate (the client has been really good at this for this position as it is rather complicated).

The response from the client to the recruiter was:

I am looking through his LinkedIn profile and it reads very heavy with pre-sales and data center technologies.

While these are certainly strong aspects of the role, the role is also a Senior Network Engineer flavor.

In other words, actual configuration, deployment and support of routers, switches, firewalls, security solutions, etc. I need someone that is as strong at building enterprise network environments as much as talking to and “selling” them.

I will wait for his resume to look for specific network engineering experience before calling him.

This is a perfectly legitimate response, and yes could have been mitigated by the recruiter waiting for the resume, however it reminded me of something else; as a recruiter, job seeker, or a client you have to remember that Linked In profiles are not a substitute for a resume.

Many LI users tailor their profiles to the specific career or industry that they are in or want and list only relevant experience. Heck, if I put all my jobs and duties I ever had in my life on my profile you could read War & Peace faster. Part of the purpose of the profile is to establish yourself as an expert in a particular field.

If you are really interested in a candidate remember to use their LI profile as a guide to asking more questions about their experience relating to your position and not the complete history of their experience.

Thanks for reading!

Ev

A Heck of A Nice Guy