Kathy Bornheimer RIP

I knew Kathy for 20 years as part of the recruiting scene.
For those of you who have seen me speak you know I'm rarely at a loss for words...
Neither was Kathy!
Every recruiting meeting, job seekers club meeting or any other meeting, even if you didn't see her you always knew when she was in the room. Heaven forbid if you were the featured speaker at the meeting and you turned over the topic to questions in the middle of your presentation because she would have something to say. If you asked a rhetorical question, Kathy would answer it. She wasn't doing that to be rude or obnoxious. She was passing on words of wisdom from someone who had seen and done it all (in terms of job seeking) to those who had not. They were words of gold.
Her job seeking ideas worked.
Her interview tips worked.
Her resume ideas worked.
Her ideas worked.
She has literally changed the lives and direction and helped hundreds and hundreds of people by helping them get a job.
What a powerful legacy.

Even towards the end of her battle with cancer, when it was too hard for her to work with job seekers on a regular basis, she kept going to work at a little laundromat near her house. She was the daytime cleaner. One thing I learned about Kathy long ago, is that if you open the door to let her into your life just a little bit, you had a friend for life. She had such a way with people that everyone that came into the laundromat where she worked got a greeting, or a joke, and a conversation that told them this wasn't going to be an ordinary day for doing their wash, and that they weren't talking to someone ordinary.
 I told her she should just stay home and asked her why she still went to work.
She would always tell me she loved the customers and liked getting out of the house. "Sitting around isn't my style. I'm a do-er," she told me.
10-15 customers a week came in all the time to ask the owner of the business how she was doing, whenever she had to take weeks off for her chemo treatments.

The last day she worked there was a little farewell party. Kathy went into the back room to put some things away she was working on. Someone made a little joke. From the back room you could hear Kathy's big laugh. The person that made the joke quietly told everyone, "I was hoping to hear her laugh one more time because her laugh always made me fell good."
She helped people by finding them new jobs, giving them a sense of direction, and giving them a sense of happiness.
Quite a legacy.

From a Heck of A Nice Guy, to a heck of a nice lady.
Be at Peace.
Ev

Street Smart Job Search (episodes 9-11)

My friend and colleague, Kathy Bornheimer had me help her film  these segments promoting her book, "Work Makes Me Sick! Prescribe Something Quick"
On the first anniversary of her death I thought I would add these to videos as a little rememberance to her. There were 11 episodes in total. The others were published in my last blog entry.
Rest in peace Kathy!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

        

Street Smart Job Search Videos (episodes 1-7)

My friend and colleague, Kathy Bornheimer had me help her film  these segments promoting her book, "Work Makes Me Sick! Prescribe Something Quick"
On the first anniversary of her death I thought I would add these to videos as a little rememberance to her.
Rest in peace Kathy!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

Concussion: Seeing Red

I've been writing short articles about my concussion and what it is like to live with the after effects so if you have co-workers who have suffered a head injury you might better understand what they are going through.

Here is one more item that you might need to be aware of or make accomodations for; people that have suffered a major concussion often have trouble with the blue light generated by computer screens or phone screens. 

If you have a coworker that has suffered a concussion, you might need to allow them to install a blue light filter on their phones, tablets,or laptops if they are company owned.

There are a lot of free aps that allow you to block the blue light like the one below.

It might look funny to everyone else, but I can attest that without this filter I cannot look at my phone screen for more than 30 seconds at a time. If I try to look at it without the filter it causes the head pain I have described in other posts, some dizziness, and disorientation.

I happen to work at a company that has tight control over what can be installed on their devices they lend me for work. When I have to look at those devices, espicially the laptop, I have to use a pair of blue light blocking glasses. These are commonly available and are not expensive. With these glasses I can work on my computer for about an hour at a time without the side effects described above. Without them, about 10 minutes is all it would take before the symptoms set in.

So if you have coworkers that need an accomodation because of a concussion then try these two methods to help keep them productive and a happier employee.

Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy
 

Concussion: What Did You Say?

A lot of comedians do routines about how a husband does not hear what his wife is saying and how that drives her nuts. There are some husbands who I'm sure would wish that they didn't have to hear their wives talk. 
When you live with a concussion though that can become a reality although you don't intend it to be.
 
For example there are plenty of times when my wife will call my attention by saying "I want to tell you something."
I will stop whatever I'm doing, and with all great intentions will be absolutely focused on her and will wait to hear what she has to say. I'm expecting her to say something...so I wait...and wait...but she never says anything. I will then ask her to start talking or ask what she said. This used to drive her nuts just after my concussion. Then she noticed how in these situations while she was talking my facial expression would change. I would look confused. She figured out that I was being serious when I asked what she said and not being a jerk.
 
The best way I can describe this scenario is to compare it to having a completely full glass of water, filled all the way so it is even with the rim. Then someone pours more water into the glass. The new water never gets to the inside of the glass. It rolls down the sides or splashes out. If you're a Star Trek fan there are lots of episodes where the crew is talking and then the ship hits a rupture in the space time continuum and everyone freezes in time only for them to figure out later in the episode what they missed.

It is a very strange feeling and very disconcerting, because I don't have a sense of what happened during those few seconds. In the example above I never hear what my wife is saying. I don't even remember her mouth moving. I'm just there waiting for her to start talking. What she said is completely not registered in my brain, or if it is registered, it is so quickly forgotten that I don't even remember; kind of like the water leaving the glass. So far I've noticed it in conversations and sometimes watching films or TV shows. I know something happened but don't know what.

My wife knows when this happens to me because my face suddenly changes, and she can see on my face that I am completely clueless and lost and confused as to whatever it was she was talking about. This is frustrating for her and I. It would be nice to return to "normal," but I am not normal, unlike the husbands in those comedy routines.
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

Concussion: Memories

This is another post in a series of posts about the affects of a concussion. I'm writing these so if you know a coworker who has suffered a concussion you might understand a little more about how you can help them.

I've written other posts about the physical and mental effects of having a concussion and the disruption it can cause in the daily life of the affected person.

The same can be said sometimes about memories.
I have (or had I'm not sure now) a great memory.
I can remember complete conversations, memorize dialog from TV or movies, and other situations in complete detail and repeat them back word for word. This skill has been a big help min my sales, recruitment, and entertainment careers. My photographic memory I've always had complete confidence in. Mr. Spock would be proud. At least that is what I would've said with absolute confidence a year ago. After my concussion I can't say that anymore.
I have trouble remembering lots of things these days. Pen and paper for making to-do lists or notes to myself are constant companions, provided I can remember I wrote them and where I put them!

When I say I'm forgetting memories, I'm not talking about random memories you haven't thought about for thirty years. Nor am I talking about what we normally think of as memory loss due to age. I'm talking about recent memories that are only days, weeks, or months old.  As an example; I took my son to the local taco restaurant that was recently remodeled. We went through the drive up and I said that someone had shot a hole in the new menu sign. My son told me that we knew that from being there two weeks ago, and said I even said the same words. 
I asked him in disbelief and he recounted the whole visit and our conversation.

This may not seem like a big deal to most of you, however when it happens on several occasions you notice a pattern.
I'll give you another example; 
I happen to be a person that takes a lot of photos and has photo books everywhere. I used to be able to tell you the exact circumstances, conversations, reasons, even some of the technical data for all of the photos. Now I look at some of these photos, and the people in them, and I don't know either who they are or in some cases I remember their name but don't remember anything else. I will look at these books and think I know the event and suddenly doubt creeps into my mind. Do I really remember this because it happened or am I only remembering it because I saw pictures of it happening.  
I'll be told who the people are that I don't remember and I still don't remember more about them. 

I've always been a person that can remember the dates and times and places and what was playing on the radio and things like that, however it is frustrating for me because there are certain things that since I've had my injury I do not remember.There are certain events that I remember absolutely crystal clear, and there are some events that I can remember the major details because I have seen them in the pictures but I have no clue as to the minor details. If you asked me to list ten events I don't remember I couldn't give that to you because I don't know I've forgotten them until someone tells me about them or I see a photo or something else that reminds me of them.
This is when I wonder what I wouldn't remember if it wasn't for me having the photo books.

My son is able to recognize this frustration and confusion and he'll just look at me and ask
"Dad are you having a bad head day?"
I can't wait until the day when i can change my answer from "Yes" to "No. It is just old age."

Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

Best Answer to an Interview Question-EVER!

While at a laundromat one day, a customer came in with her daughter whom I later found out was eleven. The daughter, without being asked, started walking around and picking up all the old dryer sheets and scraps of paper on the floor.
I go to this laundromat quite often and kids don't usually do this.
In fact their parents often let them behave like brats.

The girl came up to me and asked if I was the owner. I told her no and asked her why she wanted to know. She said she wants to know if the laundry was hiring so she could get a job.
She said her mom works very hard and she wants to help her so she doesn't have to work so hard and she can get her mom some pretty things.

What better reason is there to get a job, and is there a better answer to that question?

Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

Concussion: Seeing the X

In a previous article I mentioned that "I can't see the X."
It is a strange sentience to say but those who have had certain physical therapy exercises understand what I mean. Those of you who haven't I'll try to explain.

My son told me my "View Master was broken."
Remember  View Masters?
You put the picture disc into what look like binoculars and click through the pictures to read the story.

My son's description I think is correct to describe one of the causes of the physical side effects of a concussion.

Part of the problem is my eyesight. Normally if you look at something, because our eyes are next to each other the image each eye sees is combined together in your brain to see one image. My brain is not combining the pictures my eyes see of anything from the tip of my nose to about four feet away. Looking at this computer screen for example, my brain is recording images from each eye rather than the combined image. My brain is therefore processing double the information and I get fatigued a lot faster than someone without a concussion. There is a simple way to understand what I'm talking about. -=Take a yardstick or anything else that is abut four feet long. 

=Use a marker or tape and make an X about two inches from one end, another X about three inches from that, one more X about four inches from that mark, and another about 12 inches from that last X. =Place the tip of the stick with the X near the end to the tip of your nose.
=First look at the X furthest away and stare at it intently.
=Eventually you should see two images of the stick and they will cross right where you have the X marked.
=Look at the next closest X to your face for the same thing to happen.
=Continue until you get to the X closest to your nose.
=At this point you will naturally be cross eyed to anyone looking at your face. 

When I do this test, my right eye (the side of my head that was struck) does not move toward the left eye so I'm not cross eyed. Where you might see both images crossing at the X, I see parallel images. Since I'm seeing parallel images my brain is recording two images and hence why I get overloaded so fast.
My son called it server fatigue.
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Ev

A Heck of A Nice Guy

Concussion: Confusion

I lose my train of thought easily and I don't always remember what it was I wanted to say.
I'm having a hard time trying to write posts because of it.
I often can't keep a consistent string of thoughts going. 
It is a real struggle often times to pay attention and remember what is going on.

I sometimes wonder where I am and what I am doing.
I was never like this before my concussion.
I don't know what else to say about this, except you might know coworkers that have had a concussion and are having the same symptoms. I hope this post and my others about my concussion are helping some find comfort they are not alone and others to have empathy for those that are suffering.

Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

Concussion: Mental Effects

In this series of articles I've been explaining what it is like to have a concussion.
 
The physical effects of a concussion are easy to see, and to see the progres as they heal.
I could see my cut healing and can see the scar fading.
After a month you could barley see the scar, unless you knew where to look.
The initial pain of the head impact wears off, and the localized pain and numbness goes away or becomes less.
The mental effects are a lot more subtle and longer lasting.
Sometimes they sneak up on you like a bear grabbing a salmon in a river.

Vertigo is probably the biggest issue. Several months after the accident I was standing on a floor at work next to a table. The floor was sloping downward to one side because of the building settling. Normally your body senses that and you adjust to it.
That recognition for me is more pronounced with every change in the slope of a surface compared to before my concussion, and makes me stumble or couch my steps somewhat.
From sidewalks to driveways, if the surface goes up or down even slightly I notice it and that change in angle throws my balance off and makes me dizzy or stumble.
After several minutes of working at this table, I realized I was drastically leaning to one side to compensate for the floor slope! I was leaning over so much someone else in the store asked why I was leaning to one side! Any situation that involves something other than having my feet planted on a smooth level surface gives me a sense of vertigo to one degree or another. Most of the time I work through these moments figuring it is a chance for my brain to relearn how to act in these situations, however if there are other times like on a ladder or roof that I feel vertigo coming on I get down fast rather than risk falling. Going up ladders is fine, however a quick look down even without moving my head brings vertigo on.

Fast moving things going to the left or right also bring on vertigo. I was walking on a beach as the tide came in. As the waves flowed back into the ocean I started stumbling to the right towards the ocean! My brain wasn't processing that it was the water moving and not the land. While fishing I looked down to the water near my feet where some rings were flowing outward from where a fish jumped, and it felt like I was going to fall in even though I was perfectly upright. Movies with fast zoom in and zoom out scenes bring vertigo on too. The opening scenes of the movie "Sing" where the characters are introduced singing in their homes and it zooms from one house to another makes me dizzy. The famous scene in "Star Wars" where the X-wing fighter zooms into the Death Star trench and you see the gun turret shooting through the cockpit of the fighter really makes me feel woozy.

I have a short temper.
I used to have a lot of patience and the ability to be calm at all times. Don't even come close to being on my bad side now. Bears being poked with sticks don't explode with anger as quick as I do. The bad part is I don't feel the anger building in order to control it. It is like a light switch, either on or off. If you need to tell me something bad you did, you never know what version of my temper you'll be getting.  I can't look at computer screens or phone screens very long without a blue filter.

I can't laugh. Science has found that humor starts in the left side or our frontal lobe. That side is the logical side and thinks through the joke to see if it is funny. The humor then moves all around and ends at the right side of the frontal lobe and it is that side that makes you physically laugh. I've always been able to have deep, long lasting, laughing fits. My friends refer to me as "losing it" when those laughing fits start. I haven't had one of those since September 2016. My accident was in the first week of October. For the first three months after I could not laugh at all. I would see something that was clearly funny and my type of humor. My brain would tell me it was funny. I swear I could feel the humor energy impulse inside my brain move all around from the left to the right and then just stop.
Nothing could make me laugh. At most I could just give a quick smile. Later it went to a a quick "ha." Now I can smirk and give a quick laugh, but nothing like what I used to do.
It worries me because it has now been ten months and any laughing I do feels forced and not natural. The very first "ha" that comes out seems more natural than last month, however any laughing after that is forced. No one understands this result, but I would pay a bunch of money for a couple of good belly laughs like I used to have!

When I try and say something funny, it often comes out extremely sarcastic or mean sounding even though I didn't mean it to sound that way.
I don't know if this is correct, but I feel it is related to me not being able to laugh. I'll say a "zinger"  and the humor portion of my brain doesn't put the correct accent/spin/emphasis on it to be recognized as humorous by others. Meanwhile I stand there with a grin on my face thinking what I was saying was funny (because the analytical side of my brain put the statement together and KNOWS it will be funny), and other people pick up the statement as being mean spirited by a mean guy who is enjoying his meanness because he is standing there grinning.

My smile is not the same as it used to be, I notice it in recent pictures.
When I try to smile it feels like I can't, as if I don't remember how.
Some may look at the pictures below and not notice, however as a photographer my whole life I've seen my smile thousands of times. Look at the shape of the smile, but mostly look at the eyes. There is no spark, or what portrait photographers call "catch lights." The lines around the mouth and face are tense. The first picture is from May 2016, the second is from February 2017, six months after the accident.

Things don't always taste the same as I used to think or remember that they taste like.
Since I don't use a lot of spices and flavorings in my cooking, my food at home seems the same, however going to restaurants that have a signature spice is when I notice it the most.
Outback Steak House is one example where the seasoning they use on their meats doesn't taste the same. Less of a spice and now more of a salt. Denny's seasoned fries also taste funny. Kind of an Oreo taste rather than a salty spice taste.
This could also be because of the restaurant changing flavors so I'm not too worried about it at this time, but something isn't always right so I need to add it to the list.

I still have an urge to sometimes see the scar.
I think this is because by looking at the scar it given me a sense that I am healing.
I get frustrated because I know things are not the same with me as they used to be, but I can't change it.

More about this later.

Ev
A Heck of a Nice Guy...with some marbles out of round