The Worst Cover Letter Ever?

As a recruiter or a salesperson you will look for a new job at some point.
When you do just make sure you don't write your cover letter like this example from Forbes!
Thanks!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

The Worst Cover Letter In The World And How To Avoid Its Mistakes
Worst-cover-letter-in-the-world

His name is Mark. He’s a junior at NYU and last month he submitted a truly terrible cover letter in his bid to land a summer position at J.P. Morgan. Never let it be claimed that investment bankers don’t have a sense of humor, because apparently his note has been forwarded the length and breadth of Wall Street to a chorus of hearty guffaws. Even the likes of Gawker and Business Insider have seen fit to poke fun at his over-the-top hard sell.

But what exactly makes his letter so cringe-worthy and how can everyone from would-be interns and rookie job seekers to mid-career pros pounding the pavement after an unanticipated lay-off avoid the same mistakes that made our aspiring investment banker a viral laughingstock? Read on to find out.
Here is the letter…..

1/23/2012

J.P. Morgan

Dear Sir or Madame:

I am an ambitious undergraduate at NYU triple majoring in Mathematics, Economics, and Computer Science. I am a punctual, personable, and shrewd individual, yet I have a quality which I pride myself on more than any of these.

I am unequivocally the most unflaggingly hard worker I know, and I love self-improvement. I have always felt that my time should be spent wisely, so I continuously challenge myself; I left Villanova because the work was too easy. Once I realized I could achieve a perfect GPA while holding a part-time job at NYU, I decided to redouble my effort by placing out of two classes, taking two honors classes, and holding two part-time jobs. That semester I achieved a 3.93, and in the same time I managed to bench double my bodyweight and do 35 pull-ups.

I say these things only because solid evidence is more convincing than unverifiable statements, and I want to demonstrate that I am a hard worker. J.P. Morgan is a firm with a reputation that precedes itself and employees who represent only the best and rightest in finance. I know that the employees in this firm will push me to excellence, especially within the Investment Banking division. In fact, one of the supporting reasons I chose Investment Banking over any other division was that I know it is difficult. I hope to augment my character by diligently working for the professionals at Morgan Stanley, and I feel I have much to offer in return.

I am proficient in several programming languages, and I can pick up a new one very quickly. For instance, I learned a years worth of Java from NYU in 27 days on my own; this is how I placed out of two including: Money and Banking, Analysis, Game Theory, Probability and Statistics. Even further, I am taking Machine Learning and Probabilistic Graphical Modeling currently, two programming courses offered by Stanford, so that I may truly offer the most if I am accepted. I am proficient with Bloomberg terminals, excellent with excel, and can perform basic office functions with terrifying efficiency. I have plenty of experience in the professional world through my internship at Merrill Lynch, and my research assistant position at NYU. In fact, my most recent employer has found me so useful that he promoted me to a Research Assistant and an official CTED intern. This role is usually reserved for Masters students, but my employer gave the title to me so that he could give me more work.

Please realize that I am not a braggart or conceited, I just want to outline my usefulness. Egos can be a huge liability, and I try not to have one.

Thank you so much for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Mark


Skip the pointless bragging
“That semester I achieved a 3.93, and in the same time I managed to bench double my bodyweight and do 35 pull-ups.”
While the folly of mentioning your fitness routine should be self-evident, you can skip including the GPA, too. And the discussion of the classes you’ve excelled in and the laundry list of adjectives to describe your awesomeness. Your cover letter should be concise, targeted and should focus on what you can and will do to contribute to your potential employer’s success. Unless the job you’re applying for involves heavy lifting, leave out the gym stats.

Don’t make it all about you
“J.P. Morgan is a firm with a reputation that precedes itself and employees who represent only the best and rightest[sic] in finance. I know that the employees in this firm will push me to excellence, especially within the Investment Banking division. In fact, one of the supporting reasons I chose Investment Banking over any other division was that I know it is difficult. I hope to augment my character by diligently working for the professionals at Morgan Stanley, and I feel I have much to offer in return.”

Not only does Mark mention two different companies in this paragraph (a dead giveaway that he’s been shopping the same cut and paste letter to multiple firms), he speaks only in the broadest of generalities about the company he aspires to work for. He doesn’t demonstrate any knowledge of their operations and doesn’t include any details about their latest newsworthy accomplishments or give an indication that he’s so much as browsed the corporate website before firing off a resume. Your cover letter isn’t about you; it’s about what you can do for the company. And you can’t effectively discuss that without speaking in specifics about their business and how you can strengthen it.

Know when to quit
Mark’s letter is six paragraphs long. The more you write in a cover letter, the more opportunities you have to turn off the hiring manager by including information, details, typos or awkward phrasing that will land your resume in the circular file. Your job is to get in, make a good impression and get out again as quickly (and in as few words) as possible. Let your resume do the heavy lifting when it comes to selling your skills. The cover letter should only be long enough to introduce your most relevant experience, demonstrate how it would concretely benefit the company’s operations and provide a brief closing that confirms your interest and availability for further discussion.

Don’t get sloppy
There are typos in Mark’s letter, as well as missing words and the ultimate faux pas of the mixed-up company names mentioned above. If you can’t sustain a professional level of communication in a one-page note, it makes you seem careless, uninterested and sloppy. These are not qualities anyone hires for. Proof your cover letter fanatically and get at least one additional set of eyes to review it on your behalf. And for God’s sake, don’t cut and paste the same letter for every position.