August 2013 Jokes

Jokes:
Sorry they are not better than previous years!

• Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
• A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
• A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
• A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One
says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."


Quite possibly the worst joke ever!!!A frog goes into a bank ... 'Ms. Whack,' he says, 'I'd like to obtain a loan to buy a boat.' 
Patti furrows her brow and asks, 'Well, how much do you want to borrow?' 
'$25,000,' the frog says. 
The teller writes this down, then asks his name. 
'My name is Kermit Jagger. I'm the son of Mick Jagger.' 
'Really?' she asks, eyebrow raised. 
'Yes,' he says. Then he digs into his pants pocket and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant. 'And I want to use this as collateral.' 
'Ummm, okay,' Patti says, accepting the elephant. 'I'll have to ask the loan manager about this.' 'That's fine,' he says. 'He'll vouch for me.' 
Patti walks into the loan manager's office and explains the situation. 
'There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $25,000 to buy a boat. He wants to use this' - she holds up the tiny pink elephant - 'as collateral. I mean, what the heck is this thing?' 
The loan manager says: 'It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.'