November Jokes

Here are the jokes for November.
Thanks for reading the blog!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

-Did you hear about the man who walked into a screen door. He strained himself!

-Did you hear about the guy on the operating table who thought he 'kicked the bucket?' To his relief he only turned a little 'pail'.

-An American was going for a job interview in the English countryside and on the way out he asked a local farmer for directions, "Excuse me dude, could you possibly tell me the quickest way to London?" The farmer said: "You driving or walking, lad?" The American replied: "Driving." The farmer nodded, saying: "Yup, definitely the quickest way."

-What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? .........Polaroids!
-Thanks to JQ for submitting this one!

-Two dogs meet each other in the park. The first dog says, "Hi, I'm Rover. What's your name?" The other dog says, "I don't know, but I think it's 'Down Boy'."

November Newsletter

For almost ten years I sent out a monthy email newsletter to my clients with a job or sales tip and a ccouple of punny jokes. When I stopped doing the monthly email in 2009 and switched to a blog format. I received 78 (out of 300 recepitiants) responses asking em to start it again! Since October 2010 I've 15 comments from clients that they missed the montly email and asked if I start it again.
I have done so.
Below is the November edition. I will be sending the email around the 20th of each month. If you are a regular reader of the blog the email content my be familiar. If you receive the email newsletter and are looking at the blog for the first time please enjoy!
Thank you!
Ev

It has also been requested that I continue the newsletter with the jokes.
More articles and jokes can be found at my blog:
http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/

Below is the short article for this month and the jokes:

WI Labor: Where is it and Where is it Going?
Remember three years ago when we were all screaming for good employees?
Heck, some companies were just asking for ANY employees.
With the recession that changed and now companies are inundated with lots of good candidates for each open position.
Will it stay that way?

Even with the recession and sluggish growth of the US economy, the numbers suggest that the trend will soon be to employers having a hard time finding good employees.
Demographic data suggests that the baby boomers are now just starting to retire. Many are choosing not to retire completely but to work part-time either at a job out of their field or as a consultant. Generation X is not as big and so there are not as many workers to fill the available jobs. Xers are also more concerned with family time than working overtime like their parents because they saw their parents work for years at a company only to get fired or laid off.
Millennials want more control of their own time. Since they have been "plugged in" to technology they often are available to employers through various technologies so when they are away from work they want to control their own time (as an aside you can incent millennials with time off, not money).

Look at the numbers. As the population changes that has a huge effect on the ability to hire.
Very interesting. Thanks to Betsy Falk, Labor Economist for Southeastern Wisconsin for sharing this information.
To see the data click below:
http://slidesha.re/9iS9yH

Jokes:
-Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

-A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Giving Can Be Keeping: Retaining Employees Through Gift Giving

The holidays are fast approaching, and so the decision on what to give your employees looms. Rewarding employees through gift giving can help motivate and inspire them, especially in these hard times. Gift giving is an opportunity to recognize and appreciate your staff for their loyalty and hard work, a strategy aimed at those employees you want to keep on your team.

So what do you give in these politically correct and turbulent times?

Give a gift employees don't expect. If you provide monetary bonuses every year, your staff may no longer think of it as something special. Thoughtful, personal gifts that employees can use for themselves or share with family and friends are always a good bet. They show employees that they're your most valuable asset, and that can ultimately boost morale. I got a CD Walkman from my general manager 15 years ago. It still works and I still use it almost every day as my downstairs bar radio/CD player.

Gift certificates are a convenient option, always appropriate and appreciated. "Gift certificates are ideal," said Jeff Stevens, Milwaukee Corporate Sales Manager for The HoneyBaked Ham Company of Ohio. "You choose the amount to fit your budget and your employees decide how they want to spend it. It's that simple!"

If you want to get a bit more personal, select an appropriate gift to fit each employee. Your staff will appreciate that you chose something based on their personality and specific needs. "Many of our customers purchase gifts based on individual employees," said Jeff Stevens. "Whether it's our original, authentic HoneyBaked Ham®, Sliced and Glazed Turkey® Breast or a sweet treat, there's a gift every employee looks forward to come holiday time. What makes it even more special is that they can share it with their families."

Deciding on what gifts to give doesn't have to be difficult. Whatever gift you choose, see it as an opportunity to appreciate and motivate your staff and keep them happy all year long.

Happy Thanksgiving!
Ev

Recruiter Network November Meeting-How to Get Past Gatekeeprs

Thursday November 18th
8am-10am
Wisconsin Athletic Club
5020 South 110th Street
Milwaukee 53227
NOMINATIONS & ELECTIONS ARE THIS DAY!!!!
-president
-vice-president
-secretary

Presentation:
GETTING PAST GATEKEEPERS:
Make calling new companies easier
by EVERET KAMIKAWA

MORE Funny Job Application Answers

Part one was pulished previously:
funny-application-answers
Here are more funny job application answers:

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:
“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
“Responsibility makes me nervous.”
“They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I couldn’t work under those demanding conditions.”
“Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches.”
“I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
“They made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous jobs.”
“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
“While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am disposed that it be so oriented as to partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured to lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.”
“I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.”

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:
“Please call me after 5:30. I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job.”
“My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”
“I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.”
“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
“Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.”

PERSONAL INTERESTS:
“Donating blood. 14 gallons so far.”
“Marital status: often. Children: various.”
“Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:
“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”
“I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
“Education: College, August 1880-May 1984.”
“Experience: Dealing with customers’ conflicts that arouse.”
“Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.”
“I’m a rabid typist.”
“Instrumental in ruining an entire Midwest chain operation.”

REFERENCES:
“References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

Have you seen any of these answers?
I have.
Have you written any?
I haven't.
Share them here.

Thanks!
Ev

Funny Application Answers

One of my good clients recently shared a story with me about the following application she received. Her story was that an applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?"The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
She asked that I not share her identity.

I thought there have to be other funny application answers. I found several sites listing answers allegedly given by job seekers. These are from a website called "Smack the Interviewer."

Here are some of the answers claimed to have been put on job applications:

QUALIFICATIONS:“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”
“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
“Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.”
“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
“I am loyal to my employer at all costs… Please feel free to respond to my resumé on my office voice mail.”

EXPERIENCE:“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.”

EDUCATION:
“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

SPECIAL SKILLS:
“I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.”
“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

I've really seen some of these answers on applications I've reviewed.
Have you had any funny application answers? Have you written any?
Share them here!
I've published more of these funny answers in a new article:
More-funny-job-application-answers

Thanks!
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

WI Labor: Where is it and Where is it Going?

Remember three years ago when we were all screaming for good employees?
Heck, some companies were just asking for ANY employees.
With the recession that changed and now companies are inundated with lots of good candidates for each open position.
Will it stay that way?

Even with the recession and sluggish growth of the US economy, the numbers suggest that the trend will soon be to employers having a hard time finding good employees.
Demographic data suggests that the baby boomers are now just starting to retire. Many are choosing not to retire completely but to work part-time either at a job out of their field or as a consultant. Generation X is not as big and so there are not as many workers to fill the available jobs. Xers are also more concerned with family time than working overtime like their parents because they saw their parents work for years at a company only to get fired or laid off.
Milenials want more control of their own time. Since they have been "plugged in" to technology they often are available to employers through various technologies so when they are away from work they want to control their own time (as an aside you can incent milenials with time off, not money).

Look at the numbers. As the population changes that has a huge effect on the ability to hire.
Very interesting. Thanks to Betsy Falk, Labor Economist for Southeastern Wisconsin for sharing this information. You can see her presentation below.

Ev

http://slidesha.re/9iS9yH