February Jokes

Here are the jokes for February.
Enjoy with someone!
Thanks for reading the blog!
Ev

What did the adding machine say to the clerk?
-You can count on me!

What do you call someone who makes clothes for rabbits?
-A hare dresser!

What did the beaver say to the tree?
-Nice Gnawing you!

What do you get if a sheep walks under a rain cloud?
-A sheep who is under the weather!

What kind of sandals do frogs wear?
-Open toad sandals!

Employees: Have you gotten a "Wow"

My son got his first report card today.
Everyone likes to get praise for a job well done.
I found this article from Jeff Gitomer found in my archives.
I published it as is awhile ago for salespeople:
http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2010/09/what-grades-are-you-getting.html
This article really applies to all types of employees
What grades have you gotten lately from freinds, family, co-workers?
Thanks Jeff!
Enjoy!
Ev
What grades are you
getting in your job?
All WOW!s…
Remember when you were in school and you got your report card?

And you were so nervous that you didn’t open it, because you thought there were bad grades, and you just couldn’t look? Or worse, you thought your parents would be angry?

Finally, on the way home from school, you couldn’t stand it so you looked. Or you traded cards with a friend and looked at each others. You got a C in math, you felt you didn’t deserve it, and you hated old Mrs. So-and-So?

You only got six report cards a year. One every six weeks. They were progress reports and grades for that marking period. And you had to wait another six weeks to improve or redeem yourself.

Fast-forward a few years (or 20) to life, your job or career, co-workers, and customers.

Report cards are now instant, and they come in all forms. Verbal communications from co-workers, comments from your boss both good and bad, customer compliments for a job well done, or botched email, text, IM, or voicemail from anyone. Even a hand-written note.
You get them every day from co-workers and from customers, but the grading system is different – they call them word forms, not letter forms.

A failing grade is “What were you thinking?” The next highest is “Let me speak to your supervisor,” or please see me in my office for a meeting. The middle grade is “Thanks” or “Good job.” It’s passing, but not great. The second highest grade is “Great job. I really appreciate that.” And the highest grade is, “WOW!”

When your boss tells you “WOW!” it means you did something they were not expecting, or you performed or delivered beyond their expectations.

WOW! comes one of two ways: reactively employers ask about something wrong and you react and respond all the way to a WOW! Or proactively you uncover a need and fill it for the customer before the boss knows it was going to happen. The easiest example is a back order where you call the customer in advance and give them choices.

But it could be something like a new way to install or use your product, or a new item that just came in that you thought would be perfect for the customer. Or you had an idea that you gave to your company or your customer, and their response was WOW!

When someone tells you “WOW!” it means that you have gone the extra mile. WOW! and extra mile are siblings - equally valued - and one leads to the other. When you go the extra mile, someone will say “WOW!” And when someone says, “WOW!” it means you are going the extra mile.

You helped someone when they weren’t expecting it. You created a service response that went beyond your customer’s expectations. Or you performed a random act of kindness…and got a “WOW!”

84% of Workers Looking in 2011

The old saying is "if you love your job you never have to work a day in your life."
I think there is truth to that statement. Follow your dreams. Do what makes you happy and fulfilled. Being happy at work means being happier at home.

According to the article below written by Jessica Dickler based on data from Manpower, 84% of workers plan to look for a job in 2011.
I have heard this had heard bantered about. Based on informal things I've heard from people I can believe that the survey reflects the true attitude of the workforce.
The question I think needs to be asked is why 84% of workers are not in love with their job. Jessica's article is below:
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) -- Employers watch out: Your workers can't wait to quit.

According to a recent survey by job-placement firm Manpower, 84% of employees plan to look for a new position in 2011. That's up from just 60% last year.

Most employees have sat tight through the recession, not even considering other jobs because so few firms were hiring. For the past few years, the Labor Department's quits rate, which serves as a barometer of workers' ability to change jobs, has hovered near an all-time low.

But after years of increased work and frozen compensation, "a lot of people will be looking because they're disappointed with their current jobs," said Paul Bernard, a veteran executive coach and career management advisor who runs his own firm.

Douglas Matthews, president and chief operating officer for Right Management, a division of Manpower, called the results "a wake-up call to management. ... This finding is more about employee dissatisfaction and discontent than projected turnover," he said.

Despite a disappointing jobs report last month, experts agree that the employment picture will likely improve going forward, although hiring will be slow.

Double life of the American worker
"A lot of people who have jobs are considering looking for new work this year," said Charles Purdy, a career expert at Monster+HotJobs. "I don't know if we're going to see a huge uptick in the number of jobs, but I do think we'll see a huge surge in the number of people looking for work, even among people who are already employed."

Austin and Lauren will be two of them. (Both asked that their last names not be used.)

Austin has worked as the general manager for a small manufacturing company for six years, but he has his sights set on a job with the federal government.
"I am definitely ready to make a move now," he said. "I want to change because I feel that I would be more successful and have more challenges working in a Federal agency representing the interests of multiple private small businesses."

Austin has applied to positions at the Department of Commerce, Homeland Security and the State Department. But until hiring picks up, he is maintaining his current employment while campaigning for his next career in the New Year, or what he calls "maintaining and campaigning."

Lauren wants to leave the marketing position she landed soon after graduating in May. She said she feels lucky to have any job at all, "but it's definitely not what I expected."

"I'm currently in an environment where I'm not learning anything and am not challenged by any of my work," she said. "It just makes me feel like I'm wasting my time."

Even with less than a year of experience under her belt, Lauren plans to look for another opportunity in 2011. "What I'm hoping with the new year is that since most companies do their budgets around this time, they'll have room for new employees," she said.

But Bernard warns that they shouldn't leave their day jobs too soon. "People need to have realistic expectations," he cautioned. "It could still take 10 months to find a job."

Interesting stuff. All valid reasons, but I believe there is more to it than the economy and not learning new things on the job. Something more fundamental...but that is a subject of another blog.

Thanks for reading!
Ev"A Heck of A Nice Guy"
To read Jessica Jessica Dickler's article click below:http://money.cnn.com/2010/12/23/pf/workers_want_new_jobs/index.htm

Constructing Billy Skywalker's Resume: The Final Resume

"Here you go Billy," Bobby Solo told his friend. "This resume should get you an interview with the Rebel Alliance for that sales position and make it clear you stand apart from your brother Luke."

"Thanks buddy," Skywalker told his friend. "When I get this job maybe we can buy you a fancy ship like your brother's."

"Nah. Who would want that piece of junk unless you're my brother or that gambler who runs Cloud City. Good luck applying! Drinks are on you when you get the job!"

Billy Skywalker2320 Starry Lane
Sandy, Dune 51000
(000) 867-5309
Billy@Jabbahasbadbreath.com
www.intergalacticlinkedin.com/in/thisisafakeperson

CAREER GOAL:To eradicate tyranny and treachery from the galaxy by developing and growing a book of business that exceeds company goals and enables me to earn a six figure income based on the revenue and strong results I produce for the Rebel Alliance.

SALES EXPERIENCE:
STORMTROOPERJOBS.COM, CORSUCANT 11/1/2001-PRESENTTerritory Sales Manager• Calling on HR managers, presidents, and business owners to develop local recruitment marketing campaigns for Stormtroopers using online job postings, Twitter, Facebook.com, LinkedIn.com, video, and blogging from cold call leads, referrals, and networking groups
• Averaging 10 meetings per week with prospects and current customers
• Averaging 100 cold calls per week with new prospects by phone or email
• Increasing billed revenue 521% from $105,000 to $548,000 in ten years
• Never producing less than 31% of total company billing in ten years
• training new salespeople in product knowledge and sales techniques such as customer needs analysis, closing, and prospecting cold call techniques

DROID JOB CONNECTION, YAVIN 10/97-10/2001Market Sales Manager• Called on HR managers, presidents, and business owners to develop local recruitment marketing campaigns using a weekly holograph show, website, direct mail print piece, IVR phone system, and on-line job fairs from cold call leads & referrals
• Billed $485,000 in 2001 before company was sold in October and closed
• Increased billing to $570,000 in 2000 providing 71% of company billing
• Increased company revenue from $50,000 in 1997 to $404,000 in 1999 as only rep
• Averaged 20 cold calls per day to new prospects
• Trained 6 new salespeople in product knowledge and sales techniques such as customer needs analysis, closing, and prospecting cold call techniques

BESPIN BROADCASTING (102.9 FM), BESPIN 6/95-12/98
Account Manager• Called business owners, advertising managers/agencies to develop local ad campaigns
• increased recruitment advertising from 1% to 7% of $8 million in station revenue


EDUCATION:B.S. Degree in Droid Mechanics
Mos Eisley Area Technical College
Minor in Land Speeder Repair

One thing I'd like to point out in the above resume is that the dates of employment would normally be pushed out to the right margin, however the shortcomings of this blog's program don't allow that to appear.

Thanks for reading this series!

I hope it helps with your resume writing!

Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

This is a nine part series on how to write a good resume.
Here are links to the other parts:

Pt. 2 Career Objective

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_19.html

Pt. 3 Education

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_24.html

Pt. 4 Length

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_2397.html

Pt. 5 What Jobs to Includehttp://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers.html

Pt. 6 Detailed Bullet Points

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_10.html

Pt. 7 Age

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume.html

Pt. 8

No Experience

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume-no.html

Pt. 9

Final Resume

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_16.html

Constructing Billy Skywalker's Resume: No Experience

The dunkel ales were going down the gullets of Bobby Solo and Billy Skywalker like a fine wine. Each drop being savored by the taste buds, often starved for moisture on this desert planet.

"You asked me what you should put on your resume if you have no experience," Bobby Solo started. "Lets pretend you have no sales experience but that is the job you are applying for. When you list your employment, try and and find elements in your job that are related to sales to include as your bullet points. For example this radio job:"
SWAMP RADIO (103.7 FM)-DAGOBAH 5/92-6/95
Promotions Assistant
•acting Promotions Director 6/1-10/92, 8/20-9/15/92
Air Personality
•organization, set-up, operation of SWAMP Radio's Maritime Days Promotion, handling $65,000 dollars in station revenue
•organization, set-up, operation of SWAMP Radio's client remote broadcasts
•weekend/weekday evenings and overnights
•sub for full-time announcers
•remote production/appearances
•network spot production
•morning drive news production/board operator

"Some of these are sales related. As Promotions Director you are dealing with clients. Running the promotions also deals with clients. Even though you are not selling the clients directly, your actions in promotions are reinforcing the sale by dealing with customers in a positive, professional way. Since sales is about dealing with people, that experience can translate into sales skills, especially the soft skills" explained Solo. "Here is how I would rewrite that job:"
SWAMP RADIO (103.7 FM)-DAGOBAH 5/92-6/95
Promotions Assistant
•acting Promotions Director 6/1-10/92, 8/20-9/15/92
•Worked directly with 17 business owners and station clients to organize and execute their advertising promotion campaigns that generated $3,999-$55,000 in station revenue per campaign
•Wrote and presented 17 advertising plans to business owners and and station clients explaining how their ad campaigns would successfully drive customers to their businesses
•Reviewed commercial production with clients to make sure it was correct for their ad campaign
•organization, set-up, operation of SWAMP Radio's Maritime Days Promotion, handling $65,000 dollars in station revenue
•organization, set-up, operation of SWAMP Radio's client remote broadcasts

"If all you have is your education and you've never sold anything in real life, I would spin the bullet points on my past jobs, whether they are in fast food or retail, to talk about the customer service, management, or supervisory experience I have along with any other people skills that an employer could find important."

"If you are applying for a technical job and all you have is classroom experience you can still list that experience in the same way you would if you had real world experience. Something like this:"
MOS EISLEY TECHNICAL COLLEGE, MOS EISLEY 2009-2012
Lab Work
• Software installation, upgrades and configuration for Windows XP, Windows Server 2003, Microsoft Office, and various anti-virus, malware, spyware software
• Implementation of event auditing, software installation, publishing package, and password policies through Active Directory
• Configuration of group policy and local security policy.
• 50 installations of Red Hat Linux
• Creation and management of 60 Linux user accounts.
• 7 months using Microsoft SQL Server to do queries and manage databases
• Monitoring system performance
• 48 installations of anti-virus programs, firewalls, intrusion detection systems

"The key is to give an employer an understanding of what you did in class so they have a starting point to ask you questions. If they know you understand a little about SQL they will ask you questions about SQL and what you already know. If you just list "SQL" in some sort of list of skills or key words, they won't know your level of experience and might ask you something you have no idea about and that makes you look bad. You have experience. It is just in the class room rather than the real world so explain it just like it was a job in the real world."

Ev Note:
The complete resume is next blog...
Thanks for reading!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

This is a nine part series on how to write a good resume.
Here are links to the other parts:

Pt. 2 Career Objective

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_19.html

Pt. 3 Education

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_24.html

Pt. 4 Length

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_2397.html

Pt. 5 What Jobs to Includehttp://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers.html

Pt. 6 Detailed Bullet Points

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_10.html

Pt. 7 Age

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume.html

Pt. 8

No Experience

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume-no.html

Pt. 9

Final Resume

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_16.html

Constructing Billy Skywalker's Resume: Detailed Bullet Points

"Now that we've cut your resume down to one page, lets make the information have the most impact," explained Bobby Solo. "You have a lot of experience, but you don't communicate that in your resume. It is VERY important to explain at least two of the following with each bullet point on your resume:

• What you did in detail


• What was accomplished


• What was the benefit to the company
• What was learned by you or the company

Set yourself apart from other candidates by giving these details. Most people use generic phrases in their resume like you did. Employers want to know you can back up your words with performance so give them the information that makes them WANT to keep reading your resume and ultimately talk to you."
"So what do you suggest?" asked Billy Skywalker.

"Read your version below, then read how I would write it," taught Solo. "after reading both, tell me which one tells an employer more information and is more compelling to read."
STORMTROOPERJOBS.COM-CORSUCANT 11/1/2001-PRESENT
Market Manager
•develop recruitment marketing plans for local imperial agencies
•develop new accounts from cold call leads
•write & voice recruitment scripts for present & future accounts
•train new salespeople in product knowledge and marketing techniques
(EDITORS NOTE: TO SEE WHY STORMTROOPERJOBS.COM EXISTS, CLICK HERE:
http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2010/03/stormtroopers-for-hire.html)

DROID JOB CONNECTION-YAVIN 10/97-10/2001
Market Manager
•develop recruitment marketing plans for local businesses
•develop new accounts from cold call leads
•write & voice recruitment scripts for present & future accounts
•train new salespeople in product knowledge and marketing techniques
BESPIN BROADCASTING (102.9 FM)-BESPIN 6/95-12/98
Marketing Consultant
•develop retail sales marketing plans for local and agency businesses
•create new promotional programs for present & future accounts
•write & voice commercial scripts for present & future accounts


Here is how I would write it:

STORMTROOPERJOBS.COM-CORSUCANT 11/1/2001-PRESENT
Territory Sales Manager
• Calling on HR managers, presidents, and business owners to develop local recruitment marketing campaigns for Stormtroopers using online job postings, Twitter, Facebook.com, LinkedIn.com, video, and blogging from cold call leads, referrals, and networking groups
• Averaging 10 meetings per week with prospects and current customers
• Averaging 100 cold calls per week with new prospects by phone or email
• Increasing billed revenue 521% from $105,000 to $548,000 in ten years
• Never producing less than 31% of total company billing in ten years
• training new salespeople in product knowledge and sales techniques such as customer needs analysis, closing, and prospecting cold call techniques

DROID JOB CONNECTION-YAVIN 10/97-10/2001
Market Sales Manager
• Called on HR managers, presidents, and business owners to develop local recruitment marketing campaigns using a weekly holograph show, website, direct mail print piece, IVR phone system, and on-line job fairs from cold call leads & referrals
• Billed $485,000 in 2001 before company was sold in October and closed
• Increased billing to $570,000 in 2000 providing 71% of company billing
• Increased company revenue from $50,000 in 1997 to $404,000 in 1999 as only rep
• Averaged 20 cold calls per day to new prospects
• Trained 6 new salespeople in product knowledge and sales techniques such as customer needs analysis, closing, and prospecting cold call techniques

BESPIN BROADCASTING (102.9 FM)-BESPIN 6/95-12/98
Account Manager
• Called business owners, advertising managers/agencies to develop local ad campaigns
• increased recruitment advertising from 1% to 7% of $8 million in station revenue

"Which version do you think makes a more compelling read for an employer? If you were an employer, which version gives you the information you would want to know about a candidate for sales?" asked Solo.

"Yours of course," Skywalker sighed.

"You are growing wise beyond your years my friend."

This is a nine part series on how to write a good resume.
Here are links to the other parts:

Pt. 2 Career Objective

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_19.html

Pt. 3 Education

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_24.html

Pt. 4 Length

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_2397.html

Pt. 5 What Jobs to Includehttp://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers.html

Pt. 6 Detailed Bullet Points

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_10.html

Pt. 7 Age

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume.html

Pt. 8

No Experience

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume-no.html

Pt. 9

Final Resume

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_16.html

Constructing Billy Skywalker's Resume: Age

Bobby Solo, brother of Han, continues to help the less known brother of Luke Skywalker.

"Hey Bobby. How come you got rid of all my broadcasting experience?"

"Well Billy, all these places you can get rid of since it is not related experience to the sales job you are applying for. I know you are proud of your broadcasting jobs, but it really doesn't have anything to do with sales and it is way too old," explained Solo. "IT also cuts the length of your resume down to one page. Makes it neater and more to the point."

"Plus I hate to say this, but people can be prejudiced against older workers. By listing every job you've ever had you could be telling your age. Employers are not supposed to eliminate based on age but the reality is that some do. The point of a resume to get you an interview. If we eliminate age that is one less reason for someone to disqualify you. It is a little trick. One that is commonly played."

"If it is illegal to eliminate candidates based on age, why do companies do it?" asked Solo's younger friend.

"Mostly it is a money thing. Some companies, and I stress the word SOME, are afraid that older workers will want too much money to start. Some companies think that if they hire an older worker who was used to making a higher salary, they will take a job making less money, only to quickly leave when another company offers them a minimal raise over what they are currently making. Some companies also think that older workers will have families and need time off work to care for sick kids or have to stay home because they do not have a babysitter and therefore the company will lose their production. They might also think that older workers are more likely to have health problems and that will lead to increased benefit costs."

"I'm in my prime earning years now," stated Skywalker. "How do I fight those prejudices?"

"I'm not a lawyer," said Solo. "If I was I wouldn't be organizing smuggling jobs for my brother. There are plenty of companies that don't care about age and even value the maturity, experience, company loyalty, and life lessons of older workers. The purpose of a resume is to get someone to notice you and want to learn more about you in an interview. If we keep your resume to just your relevant experience we minimize the risk of being eliminated upon initial scan because of age. Lets get them to notice and interview you because of your experience and not your age. It may be stupid that we have to play this game int he first place, but we can't deny the reality either."

This is a nine part series on how to write a good resume.
Here are links to the other parts:

Pt. 2 Career Objective

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_19.html

Pt. 3 Education

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_24.html

Pt. 4 Length

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_2397.html

Pt. 5 What Jobs to Includehttp://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/01/constructing-billy-skywalkers.html

Pt. 6 Detailed Bullet Points

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_10.html

Pt. 7 Age

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume.html

Pt. 8

No Experience

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume-no.html

Pt. 9

Final Resume

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/02/constructing-billy-skywalkers-resume_16.html

Snow Day!

My usual blog is not here today. The office is closed because of a huge blizzard rolling through the Midwest. I don't need an office to write my blog, but I can't pass up a...

Snow Day! Snow Day! Snow Day!

I haven't had a snow day in years so I'm going to enjoy it with my family and also behind the mega horse power of my snow blower.

What does this have to do with HR, Recruiting, or Sales?

NOTHING!

EXCEPT...

Once in awhile you have to stop and do the things that keep you young inside. Recharge your batteries and refresh your soul. It is often the little things that make life worth living.
You have to enjoy them when you can because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

As Ferris Bueller said:
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't slow down, you could miss it."
Find your snow day and enjoy it!

Thanks!
Ev