June 2012 Jokes

How did Moses make his tea?
Hebrew it! (Thanks to A.H. for providing me with this one!)

Why did the frustrated iPod's user change it's name to Titanic.

So it could start syncing.

What happens to chemists when they die?
 They barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.

He says he can stop any time.

Did you hear about the guy who stayed up all night to see where the sun went.

It dawned on him.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club,

but I'd never met herbivore.

Thank you for reading!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

What Is Wrong With People!

This column is just a good old fashioned rant and rave to clear some things off my chest.

Whether you're in sales, HR, or recruiting the one constant is dealing with people.

People from all different backgrounds, ages, experiences, locations, with a variety as infinite as the stars in the sky.

The problem is people are not computers and do not always follow a programmed response.

That can be frustrating, however it does make life interesting. Sometimes in the HR and Recruiting worlds people's behavior is so baffling it makes you want to scream!

If you've ever been as infuriated with someone as Captain Kirk was with Kahn, you know what I mean.

You might recognize some similar situations such as:

1. The job candidate that sat down at my colleagues desk and two roaches crawled out from under his coat and he didn't think anything of it

2. The job candidate that stood at my desk and emptied his pockets looking for a pen and a roach fell out of his pocket and onto my desk

3. The woman that NEVER used toilet paper. There was a wide brown streak down the middle of her chair. I know it because I saw it.

4. All the job candidates that failed drug tests an claimed it was because they took a pain pill. these include:
a. the candidate that said he had a headache and took his mom's percocet

b. the candidate that said he was in an accident needed perks but never could get a prescription so had to buy them illegally

Give me a break! 

5. The candidate that said he was "spiritually dead" but listed that as a strength because the company could help "build him up again"

6. The woman who said she was too busy to return an employer's call because she was having too much fun doing jigsaw puzzles

7. The man who said he didn't return an employer's call when he was offered a job because he was too busy baking bread

8. The inexperienced IT graduate who got hired to a $40,000 plus job even though he had no experience. He passed the drug test, but the results were lost by the lab. The company called to have him take it again and he never returned the employer's call, my call, or anyone else's call.

9. The candidate that took a year to find a job in their field. Two nights before the drug test decided to smoke a joint. Fortunately the employer delayed all drug tests for two weeks because of a snafu on their end.

10. The candidate who had a job from an employer, but lost it because while waiting to hear back from the employer, He called the employer everyday at least once to find out "what his status was" and the company got tired of his calls.

11. The candidate that didn't shower and stunk so bad that after he left his odor still seeped out of the chair for several HOURS!

12. The older worker who decided instead of looking for a job she applied for social security, then admitted she was looking to go to a college, get a financial aid package, drop out and keep the financial aid money because social security funds can't be garnished by the government to get the financial aid money back.

You know, this feels good. Maybe I'll do some more soon. Thanks for letting me vent.

Ev

"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

Why This Blog

As a Recruiter or HR professional you might have to sell a candidate on your company, or sell candidates to a client, or sell a customer on your services. There are lots of places to find out how to RECRUIT better, but not a lot of places for recruiters to find out how to SELL better.
This site is for you.

My trip into the world of HR and recruiting began in 1995. I had talked to six of my friends who had become HR generalists or recruiters for staffing companies because I realized that none of them were using radio to recruit new workers.

I then moved on to sell job ads on three different job boards. All the while learning from my clients and prospects about HR and recruiting. As a recruiter for the last couple of years I noticed that there are lots of books, courses, online tutorials, and workshops for people to earn the HR certifications they need to continue their careers. What I haven't seen are any sessions on sales training for recruiters and HR professionals who need to bring in new clients or sell candidates to a customer.

As a professional salesman who now recruits, I'm passing along sales tips I've learned and used. I'm not trying to sell you a book or sales coaching. I'm meerly trying to pay back those who have helped me.

Since most sales advice sites are pretty boring, I like to provide you the reader with a touch of humor from someone in the trenches each and every day.
I also understand that not all HR professionals and recruiters have to sell, so you'll also see articles concerning issues of recruitment, HR, HR management, and industry trends, along with the occasional article for job seekers.

New articles are published on Mondays and Wednesdays. If you are a client or prospect there is also an email version that comes out once per month.
If you forget where this site is, do a search for my brand "A Heck of A Nice Guy."

Thanks for reading and your support!
Ev

Your Hello Sucks

"I can see why you're having trouble making appointments. Your Hello sucks!"
Those were the words of Dave Kurlan, author of Baseline Selling, when I was able to have a full day of one-on-one sales training with him a few years ago.

I had been having good luck making appointments with company presidents, who were my prospects, so I was a bit surprised by this response from Dave after we role played a prospecting sales call.
"You sound like a salesman right from the start, and that immediately turns off most people including company presidents who don't see you as someone bringing them valuable information, but rather an annoying pest who got past their gatekeeper."
(On a personal note I don't mind being thought of as an annoying sales pest, as long as it is followed up with "...but he always has some new idea for me.")

The sales lesson went on.
"How do you say hello to your friends?" Dave asked.
"Hey Mark! How is it going?" I responded.
"Exactly." Dave replied.
"You're relaxed, friendly, and more importantly you're not being pegged as a salesman."

When I went back to the office and started making my cold calls to prospects I tried Dave's advice.
At first I didn't see results that were any different, however after about 50 calls saying "Hey (insert name)" I did sound more friendly, relaxed, and conversational and not like salesperson.
What is happening is that for a brief moment I had the president's attention. The president because they were used to hearing "Hey (insert name again)" from their friends, for a brief second they wondered how they knew me, if they had met me before and where. It was that brief moment that I needed for them to stop what they were doing and listen to me.
My appointments went up 15%.
Not bad for only changing "Hello" to "Hey."

As my friend Tony Perkins wrote in his column about Chinese street peddlers being pegged as salespeople by the way they say "hello,"
"Hellllooooo" by Tony Perkins 
you are also pegged as a salesperson in that first few seconds by your word choice.
"Hey" may not be the word that works for your style and personality, find a new intro to your sales calls and see how much your response rate goes up.

Thanks for reading...
Ev
A Heck of A Nice Guy

Hellllooooo!

My friend Tony Perkins has a great job as one of the English sportscasters on CCCTV (basically the English version of the official Chinese government channel). He writes a blog about his experiences in China and this particular post is very relevant to sales. Below is Tony's original article.
I'll add my own thoughts on how saying "hello" influences sales next time.
Thanks Tony!
Ev

This Too is China
http://tonysbeijingreview.blogspot.com/

Helllllooooo!

I was walking along a busy Beijing street, amid the reckless bicycles, the crazed taxi drivers, the three-wheeled death cabs, the fresh fruit and vegetable vendors, and stinky tofu restaurants, when out of nowhere, a friendly-looking Chinese peasant worker gives me a long stare. Then, he utters what's probably the only English word he knows:


"Hellllloooooo!"

Almost every foreign visitor to Beijing gets this. For most of us, it's what we treasure most, a chance to make some kind of meaningful connection, person-to-person, with someone from another country and culture. Many Chinese, however, don't see it the same way. For them, "Hellllooooo" is the first step toward some kind of fraudulent scheme, a way to strip a visitor of his foreign cash.

"How stupid are youuuuuuu?"

A basic tip to any foreigner arriving in Beijing: if a man steps up and says "Hellloooo" to you, keep walking. His faux-friendly greeting is code for:

"Buy my soon-to-be-non-functioning fake Rolex watch!"

"Buy my piece-of-crap cheap replica I-Phone!"

"You speak English? Good! I have a group of invisible English students in a non-existent classroom that just happens to be decorated with lousy artwork which I KNOW you want to buy as a reminder of your trip to China!"

For any Chinese men who are reading this blog entry, take a hint. "Helllooo" doesn't cut it. You need to bring more to the party. Like, maybe, "Hi, how are you?" "Good morning." "Nice weather we're having." It's okay to lie.

Also, maybe try saying "Hellloooo" in a different language we might be familiar with: "Hola," or "Bonjour."

And if some of you really want to mess with us (you know who you are...and so do I), substitute "Helllooo" with "Konnichi-wa," so we might mistake you for being Japanese. I know you won't think it's funny at first, but ultimately, we both would get a chuckle out of it, believe me.

June 2012 Review Newsletter

Greetings!

Here is the June edition of my newsletter!

This month marks the 13^th anniversary of the email version of this newsletter.

Thanks for reading and contributing over the years!

If you are new to my email newsletter, I send this out once per month as a way to stay in touch with clients and prospects I’ve worked with over the years.

It is meant to share some insight and tips on recruiting and HR related sales.

I make it fun by injecting some humor into my posts.

I’m open to your suggestions for topics and advice.  

If you are interested in an article click on the link and it will open for you.

Bert & Ernie: Speech Pace Can Help You Recruit or Sell Someone:

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/speech-pace-helps-you-recruit-or-sell.html

Sherlock Hemlock: Sales Solutions Start with You

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/sales-solutions-start-with-you.html

Don’t Leave A Voicemail:

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/dont-leave-voicemail.html

Jokes:

http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/may-2012-jokes.html

There are other articles as well so please feel free to search my blog.

  

Thank you for everything!

Have a great June!

Everet Kamikawa

"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

http://www.linkedin.com/in/everetkamikawa

You are receiving this newsletter because you at one time have done business with me as either a client or prospect, or perhaps just a stalker (don’t laugh I’ve had three). This email comes out once per month and is meant to be informative and light hearted. If it really annoys you, causes you to step on sidewalk cracks, go into the basement without shoes, run with scissors, or sit too close to the TV, please send me an email asking to be removed from the monthly list.  Please tell me if you only want to be removed from the list, or if I should never ever call you again and why. I will call you to follow up! Thank you for reading!

Sometimes Your Clients Don't WANT to Hear You

Have you ever talked to one of your clients and even though they have bought your wares and love you to death, you notice that they are not listening to what you have to say about how to use the product they just bought to their advantage?

You spent the whole discovery time finding the hidden truth about what problem they are ultimately solving with your product. They believe it will do what they want it to do...but only if they get to use it the way THEY want, not the way WE want them to.

In many ways it is like Ernie telling Bert he can't hear him because he has a banana in his ear. It would be easy to take it out and listen to Bert, but Ernie wants to do things his way.

I worked for a sales consulting company whose assessment products are meant to tell an employer if someone will be successful in sales. It is a great tool, however not all the clients used it properly or chose to believe the results. Many times they hired someone who the assessment told them not to hire, but they liked anyways. That person failed more often than not. If they had done what I told them to do or used the product properly they would have saved a lot of time and money, which is what I was trying to do in the first place!

What do you do when the client won't listen to you? Sometimes you just have to give up and let them try it their way. As a rule of thumb if I have a client tell me they are going to use my product in the wrong manner and it will ruin their results, there are two things I do:

1. I explain three times (in different ways and at different points of the conversation) and get them to acknowledge that they are using the product wrong and they know it. As a radio client of mine once said when I told him the ad copy wasn't calling for any action on behalf of the listener, "I have 22 years of experience doing it this way that is why. What do you know?!"

2. After hearing that three times I propose a measured test and get them to agree to a second package or use half of the package in the manner I want them to. A local camera store bought a month radio ads from me and wanted to increase the amount of film (yes this was a few years ago) their photo lab was processing. We did a great commercial and they ran ads scattered across the day at different times. This store was downtown and said that most of their traffic came in at lunch time as office workers took their break. They ran their schedule for two weeks with no results.  I had them run the remaining two weeks concentrating their ads on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays during the hours of 6am-9am and 11am-1pm to catch people after a weekend (when they most likely took pictures of something) on their way to work and during their lunch hours. Running commercials in those time slots were twice as much as those previously run, however they reached more people and were concentrated so they heard them more often. Lab business was up 20% by the end of the second week. They signed a long term agreement after that.

In this case I had to let the camera shop owner do things his way, however if I hadn't secured an agreement to try tings the way I knew they would work, he probably would have never renewed thinking that the ads didn't work and I was another idiot salesman.

You have to try to get the banana out of a client's ear. If they refuse, have another piece of fruit ready that you can at least substitute for the banana.

Thanks for reading!

Ev

"A Heck of A Nice Guy"