September Jokes

Here are the jokes to lighten up your day!
Thank you for reading!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"


First Employee: Is your job secure?
Second Employee: Oh yes. It is me they can do without!

Why are elephants wrinkled?
Have you ever tried to iron one?

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the lightbulb.
(I don't get this one at all-Ev)

Did you hear about the psychic amnesiac?
He knew in advance what whe was going to forget!

Red Sox and the Sales Force - Winning and Losing is Contagious

(Please note that my part and Dave's part were written BEFORE the Red Sox completely blew their lead and missed the playoffs!)

As an HR or recruiting manager, creating a winning atmosphere is the same high priority as it is for a sales manager. Your recruiters are your sales force.

Dave Kurlan is a best selling author and someone who has trained me.

 I'm a Milwaukee Brewers fan, but the Red Sox are my favorite American League team so this article resonates with me.

Thanks Dave! Here's hoping for Milwaukee Brewers vs. Red Sox world series!

Everet

GO BREWERS!!!

Red Sox and the Sales Force - Winning and Losing is Contagious
Red Sox and the Sales Force

Dave Kurlan is a top-rated speaker, best-selling author, sales thought leader and highly regarded sales development expert.


The Red Sox began the 2011 baseball season by losing 10 of their first 12 games. So what? Before the season began most experts predicted that the 2011 Red Sox could be the best team ever! Yet despite all of their star power, they just couldn't seem to win during those first two weeks of April. Losing is contagious.
And then they turned it around and it only took one team win to do that. They proceeded to win so many games during May through August that they were the best team in baseball for those 4 months. Winning is contagious.

Then came September. I think they won something like 5 games this month while dropping around 15. They are playing badly, performing badly, and losing badly as a team. It has been embarrassingly bad. Losing is contagious.

In sales winning and losing is contagious too. When salespeople are scheduling a lot of new meetings it raises the bar, creates enthusiasm and nobody - even those for whom prospecting is a challenge - wants to be left out. When salespeople are closing sales, deals and accounts it creates optimism, enthusiasm and confidence; and nobody - even those for whom closing is a challenge - wants to be left out. Success sends a sales force wide message:

"We are doing this, it is working, we can see the difference between the winners and the wannabes (won-a-bees), and if you aren't one of the wannabes very soon you'll be on the street looking for a new position."

Of course you can coach, train and develop SOME of the wannabes, but only if they are Committed, Motivated wannabes, that you can hold accountable.
Either way, winning is contageous and you must do everything in your power to create a winning environment where success is expected and anything less is not acceptable.

Recruiters: A Real Life Ethical Scenario

A real life scenario recruiters face. I'm interested in your feedback please. What would you do?

An organization you work for that helps people find jobs, holds a job fair. As a placement specialist for the organization you invite your good employers to participate. One employer in particular agrees and comes and solicits candidates for their jobs. The employer instructs candidates to fill out the application and return it to them before they leave, or to take it to their location and drop it off as the application is quite lengthy.

Job fair turnout is low. The employer leaves right when the job fair ends with no instructions to you on what to do with any late applications, or telling you that they are expecting someone to turn any in. One job seeker, who had grabbed a blank application and filled it out, returns it the next day by slipping it under your office door, before the office open, with a generic note (not addressed to anyone) to get the application to that employer. There is no further follow up from that applicant that day.

You glance at the application and it is complete but not completely legible. You know the candidate from them dealing with your office but you have not dealt with them directly. The candidate is clearly not qualified for the position being applied for. Since this is a good employer that might be able to hire several of your candidates in the future, do you make the effort to get the employer this candidate's application and let them deal with logging it, saving it, etc., or does it mysteriously get thrown into the trash since the job seeker didn't follow the employer's directions on returning it to them, and the employer did not leave you any instructions on how to deal with any applications left in your office?

What do you do?
Thanks for reading!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy

Three Horrible Job Ads!!!

Over the last 17 years I've written and rewritten thousands of employment ads for all kinds of media. I've instructed and coached ad writers on the proper way to write a job ad that will get results. This blog is filled with tips and examples of good ads! When i see examples like these three it grinds my beans. I've checked and it wasn't a formatting problem for the website.
Read the ads below. I've taken out the company name and identifying brand names.
-Jargon
-Spelling
-Format
-Lack of details
What else do you think is wrong?
If you've read my previous articles on how to write job ads and are no longer making these mistakes, welcome to Ev's church of job ad writing! Thanks for believing!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"

JOB AD #1 Can you read it? What are they asking for? What should you expect to do? This is how the ad was posted and sent to me too!

COMPANY A, Established In 1987, Is A Leading Provider Of Comprehensive, Integrated ------ Safety And Security Systems, Wi-Fi RTLS Systems, And -------- Enterprise Solutions. With An Installed Base Of More Than 10,000 Systems Worldwide, -------- Specializes In State-of-the-art ---------- For Senior Care Facilities And Hospitals, Including -------- ---------- Management, Wireless Call And Fall Management Solutions, And Safe Place ED And Infant Security Solutions. The Company Is Credited With Inventing The First ------ Security System, Which Was Designed And Developed By Nurse Clinicians. It Was The First In The Industry To Invent Peer-to-Peer ---------, And To Offer Remote Monitoring, RF Consulting And 24X7 Technical Support By ---------Staff Specialists And A Nationwide Service Management Team. Www.------.com SCOPE AND RESPONSIBILITIES The Business Systems Analyst Plans, Designs And Analyzes User Requests And Requirements For The Implementation And Development Of Business Applications Used By -----------. The Analyst Will Respond To Requests From Employees For New Or Modified System Functionality That May Involve Planning, Designing, Developing And Analyzing Various Programs, Software, And Hardware Requirements. The Business Systems Analyst Will Confer With Employees To Define System Requirements, Identify Programming Input And Output Needs, And Verify Preliminary Design Requirements. They Will Research And Recommend Technical And Procedural Designs For New Or Revised Applications Including Data Flow, System Specifications, And Programming Guidelines. The Business Systems Analyst Will Help Maintain Proper System Operation And Security For Business Applications. The Analyst Will Answer Questions And Provide Technical Assistance, Documentation And Training To System Users. They Will Discuss And Work With Other Employees And Vendors In Resolving Problems Involving Program Intent, Input/output Requirements, And Other Procedural And Technical Matters. The Business Systems Analyst Will Develop New Or Modify Existing Programs And Reports As Needed To Meet System Design Requirements. Application Development Will Use Various Languages As Required For The Specific System. All Developed Solutions/reports/applications Will Require Documenting Program And Program Modifications In Addition To Procedures And Guidelines For Systems Users. Proper Functional System Testing In A Staged Environment Will Be Performed With Requestors And System Owners. Change Request/enhancement Management Will Be Followed For Implementation. ESSENTIAL DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES Maximize The Performance And Availability Of Large Scale Applications And Interfaces. Plan And Implement New Applications And Technology Changes Into A Complex, Integrated Environment. Develop And Maintain Documentation ( I.e. Process, Configuration, Incident And User Instructions). Liaise With End Users, Project Teams, Third Party Service Providers And Business Partners. Ability To Devise Practical And Effective Technical Solutions That Can Be Quickly Implemented. Develops And Implements The Most Efficient And Cost-effective Solutions. Good Interpersonal And Communication Skills With Ability To Build Productive Relationships Across The Business. Work Closely With Management To Prioritize Business Goals And Information Needs. Ability To Translate Sometimes Vague Project Requirements Into Viable Technical Solutions. Ev Aluates System Specifications For Business Requirements. Abil
Apply


JOB AD #2


Notice the education and experience required at the top and the education and experience requirements at the bottom. Does anyone proofread their ads to make sure they are consistent?

Network Engineer
Position Title: Network Engineer
Company Name: -------------------
Industry: Hospice
Location(s): Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 53201, United States
Jb Function: Other
Entry Level: No
Min Education: Master's Degree
Min Experience: 2-3 Years


APPLY FOR THIS JOB

------is the nation's leading operator of senior housing communities with --- communities nationwide. We are a fast growing, publicly traded company, with a rich 25 year heritage of senior housing expertise. We currently have an opportunity for an organized, experienced and highly motivated Network Engineer within Milwaukee, WI Corporate Office.

Network Engineer Job Summary
The Network Engineer is responsible for network implementation/support within the IT organization. A thorough understanding of LAN and WAN technologies as well as the ability to perform design, implementation, security and maintenance functions is required for this position. Knowledge with Windows server environments and Red Hat Linux is necessary. This position has responsibility over the network and server environment

Essential Functions:
* Install and configure data communications hardware, server hardware and server software
* Perform design and implementation activities within the network infrastructure.
* Troubleshoot and resolve problems related to the network and server environment.
* Manage projects related to network, server and enterprise disk environment.
* Assist in support and maintenance of enterprise database hardware environment.
* Ensure software and hardware are compatible with existing network and systems.
* Install, configure and administer software affecting network and computer security and virus protection company-wide.
* Troubleshoot problems related to the security and virus protection environments.
* Assist in developing and enforcing security policies and procedures.
* Complete tasks that meet budget, time frame and quality requirements.
* Ensure proper administration of network and server environments, including network and email accounts, file services and server operating system configuration.

Candidate Qualifications
* Associates degree or equivalent work experience required, Bachelors degree strongly preferred.
* 6+ years of information systems experience, including at least 4 years experience using networking technologies.
* Full knowledge of networking principles required.
* High motivation and commitment to quality and customer service.
* Excellent written and oral communication skills.

JOB AD #3

This ad isn't too horrible, but lacking in details. My guess is they got a lot of unqualified people applying because they are not specific enough. I would suggest if you apply to ask for the higher salary!
Production Technician
Employer: --------- GROUP See all jobs by this employer
Pay: $16.50 Per Hour to $16.52 Per Hour
Duration/Hours Per Week: Full-Time, 40 to 50 Hours Per Week
Shift/Work Days: Second Shift. some overtime required. Temp to hire opportunity after 30 days.
Monday-Friday.
Number of Openings: 1
Minimum Requirements of Employer:
Education: High School Diploma/GED Equivalent Required
Professional Licenses/Certifications: No Licenses or Certifications Requested
Vehicle: None
Drivers License:
Type: No Drivers License Requested
Endorsements: No Endorsement Requested
Age: No Age Requested


Experience/Qualifications: Must have 2-4 years previous manufacturing experience operating machinery. Must have above average math skills, experience with micrometers/calipers, mechanical aptitude, previous overhead crane exp a major plus. Some troubleshooting and light repair on machinery required.

Don't Forget Your School

If you are looking for a source of candidates or a source of job leads...DON'T FORGET YOUR SCHOOL!

Social media has allowed for all of us to have an easier way to network with alumni and friends from college and even high school. Take advantage of it. Join the school's alumni group. Post discussions and job leads, or ask for help finding a job. I've found if I mention I'm an alum I usually get calls and emails returned faster than when I don't.

The career services department might or might not be an active part of a student's job search, but they will appreciate any job leads you send them. They can also make arrangements for you to interview on campus or participate in any of their hiring events.

Staying involved in some small way makes finding candidates and jobs easier because when you have a chance to talk to someone as a candidate or about a job it gives you a common bond. Makes a cold call a "warm" call and establishes rapport faster and helps open doors to future communication.
Thank you!
Ev

September Newsletter

Greetings!

I’ve been sending out a short, monthly, email newsletter for about 10 years now.
It is always meant to inform and be light hearted for those of us in the worlds of HR, Recruiting, and HR Sales. If you don't get the email version, this is it!
Please look at the links below. If you are interested in an article click on the link and it will open for you.

How to get started using Twitter to Recruit:
http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/08/using-twitter-to-recruit.html

Many of you were kind enough to respond to my question of What Resume Phrases Annoy You.
Here are your responses:
http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/08/responses-to-resume-phrases-that-need.html

You’ve got a LinkedIn profile, now what?
http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/08/5-cool-tricks-to-get-more-out-of.html

At the end of the newsletter there are always a couple of jokes.
These are puny and always clean enough to tell your mother:
http://everetsblog.blogspot.com/2011/08/august-jokes.html

There are other articles as well so please feel free to search my blog.
Last month almost 800 of you clicked on the links.
Thank you for everything!
Thank you for reading!
Have a great September!

Everet Kamikawa "A Heck of A Nice Guy"

Recruit Anyone on LinkedIn

Here is another part in my series about how to recruit anyone using social media.
We've all heard about social media over the last few years, but not everyone is using it or know how to recruit on it. In case you've missed the last few articles in brief we've covered for all social media:

1. catchy job title that either describes the position, or captures attention
2. don't use industry jargon in the ad-not all jargon is the same
3. be clear about the duties and expectations you are looking for in this person
4. remember the difference between PUSH media (i.e. Twitter) and PULL media (i.e. Facebook)
There are other basics that need to be in place, however the tips above and below should be enough to get you started.

This post is about how to get started using LinkedIn to recruit.
Once again there are some things that will be in common with Twitter and Facebook, however unlike those two sites, LinkedIn tries to be more of a business and business networking site as opposed to a social site.
It does provide the benefits of being both a push and pull media. The fun of it is you can use the site either way (or both) to reach the candidates you would like.

Some general ideas to get started:
1. Use the status tool to update every few days something new about the job. Post the job title one time. A few days later post one quality needed or one benefit about the job. Continue to do so until you have a good pool of candidates. Changing the status keeps the job top of mind in the network.

2. Link with others who do the same job or in the same industry. Birds of a feather hang out together and they can spread the word about the opportunity.

3. Use the applications section to post information about the job and company. Post a power point with details about the job, list books you want the salespeople to read or have read, post videos, link to the company blog.


4. Post the ad in the job section. The new apply using LinkedIn feature makes the postings more effective than they were a few years ago and less clumsy to use.

5. Anytime you mention the ad, have a link to the ad available.


6. Shorten the URL of the ad (I'm not getting paid to endorse bit.ly but they are the one I use the most, I'll take two checks please!). It is not as critical on LinkedIn I believe because the title can help people see what the job is about since this is a site for business, however the status box does limit the amount of characters so a shorter URL can be helpful if it is a long job title. Twitter and other media are now tied into LinkedIn so it can help as you cross post from LinkedIn.

7. Use the groups section to start a discussion. Mix up how you post your message. This is where the pull and push media definitions come into place. Sometimes post the ad as "I'm looking to hire..." and post all the details. You won't get much response very often in terms of people posting a response, however you will get people thinking that they know someone in their network with the skills you want and may forward the discussion link or ad onto them.

Sometimes post a discussion topic that people who have the experience you are looking for will find interesting and want to comment on. When comments are posted you'll be able to see who is posting and who they are and where they are and you can reach out to them directly with your job.

Try these tips to see how they improve your results!
Everet
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"


Using-twitter-to-recruit
Using-facebook-to-recruit
Recruit-anyone-on-linkedin
Tip #1
Tip #2
Tip #3  

Networking: Like It Or Not, It Makes All The Difference

Networking is a huge part of finding a job and finding candidates. Always has been. Always will be.
I like to say it is not only who you know, but who knows about you!
The author below points this out.
Happy Labor Day!
Ev
"A Heck of A Nice Guy"
By Mark Feffer
Aug 19, 2011
Networking: It Makes All the Difference
Last week, I wrote about why job hunting advice doesn’t really work unless you accept the realities of the process. Whether you’re just starting out or have 20 years of work under your belt, the dynamics may not be fair but they’re here, and they’re real, and if you want to find a job you have to deal with them. It’s not easy, but it’s like gravity: When you jump off a cliff, you fall. Blaming the laws of nature on the way down doesn’t help.

One of the things no one likes to hear is that you’re hired based on a lot of things besides your technical skill or your experience. Deciding who to bring on board is a subjective decision, at best an educated guess. At the end of the day the manager has to feel good about how you’ll fit in, deal with management and collaborate with other departments. By the time he’s thinking about who to hire, he knows how well you code. You can be the best coder in the world, but if you’re a creep you’re not going to get the job.

This is why the most important tactic of your job search is networking. Even if you’re responding to a posting somewhere — like, say, Dice — you’ve got a better shot of getting in the door if you know someone at the company. Of course, you may not. But the more people who know you, the more chances are you can find one. It’s important because it begins to build the human dynamic between you and the hiring manager.

A lot of technical people don’t like to network. You’re busy, you say. You work on problems that require exceptional focus to solve. It’s more important to fix those than to go out and meet people.

Too bad. If you’re serious about finding a job, you don’t have a choice.

I’ve written a lot about networking because I’m always flabbergasted by how many people say they can’t or won’t reach out to others. Yes, it’s hard to call up people you don’t know, even when you’ve been referred by a friend of colleague. My way of easing the process is to ask someone out for coffee or breakfast or lunch. That way, I offer them something for their time , and it sets up a more relaxed situation than we’d have sitting in a conference room. If you don’t like that approach, go to professional networking get-togethers or meetups, even if they’re not about jobs. Delving into some tech topic or another gives you the chance to meet people without the pressure of having to talk about yourself.

If, for some reason, you can’t go to these things you still have an option: The telephone. Remember this: People like to talk about themselves. Sure, you’ll call some who’ll be curt or downright rude. Indeed, most of the people you call will say no. But the sixth person, or the 10th, will say yes.

Now you’re thinking, once they pick up the phone what do I say? If you’re calling cold, ask for an informational interview. Tell them you want to learn more about the sector, how their company works, the dynamics of the local job market. If a colleague suggested the call, begin with something like, “Tom thought it would be good for us to know each other,” then ask for the discussion. Even if you can’t get a face-to-face you’ll probably get a phone conversation out of it — and the opening to stay in touch with the occasional e-mail or follow up call.

Just remember: Networking’s not a short-term thing. It’s not going to get you a job directly, and someone you just met is probably not going to introduce you to her friend the hiring manager. That first call you make may not pay off for years. But there’s truth to the old cliché, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”


About Mark Feffer
Mark Feffer is the senior editor of Dice.